Parenting Perspective 

Circular arguments usually appear when a child feels cornered, ashamed, or misunderstood. The repetitive back-and-forth exchange keeps the attention on winning the debate rather than on owning the impact of their actions. Your task is to change the goal of the conversation. Instead of trying to prove who is right, you are guiding your child to move from a defensive stance to a responsible one. You can begin by naming the loop and pausing it by saying, ‘We seem to be going in circles. I am going to pause this conversation so we can solve the real problem.’ It is helpful to lower your voice, slow your pace, and remove any tone of accusation. Circularity thrives on emotional intensity; a calm tone and clear structure can reduce this intensity so that clearer thinking can prevail. 

Switch from Arguing to Seeking Solutions 

Replace the pattern of rebuttals with a simple, structured approach that focuses on what happened, who was affected, what needs repairing, and what can be done next. Use one prompt at a time and ask for a short answer. For example, you could say, ‘In one sentence only, what happened from your side?’ followed by, ‘In one sentence, who was affected and how?’ If the child reverts to making justifications, you can hold the boundary kindly by saying, ‘That sounds like a reason, but right now I am asking for responsibility. Please try again.’ This method converts open-ended sparring into focused accountability. 

Use Constructive Pauses to Move Forward 

If emotions begin to escalate, it is wise to call for a repair break with a set timer: ‘We will take ten minutes to cool off. When we come back, we will decide on one action to make this right.’ A break without a clear plan can often restart the argumentative loop, but a break with a specific task helps to end it. For younger children, you can offer choices that still encourage responsibility: ‘You can either write a sorry note or help to tidy what was messed up. Please choose one.’ For older children, you can invite them into problem-solving: ‘Please suggest a fair way to repair this. I will approve it if it is sincere and achievable.’ 

Establish a Family Rule for Accountability 

Create a clear family rule that can be referred to outside of moments of conflict: ‘In our home, reasons can be heard after responsibility has been taken.’ You can practise using the sentence structure: ‘I did X, it affected Y, and I will repair it by doing Z.’ It is powerful to model this yourself when you make a mistake. Children adopt the behaviours that are culturally normal in their home. When accountability is a routine and safe practice, circular arguments lose their purpose. 

Over time, your child learns that truthfulness is not an attack on their character, but an expression of their dignity. The goal is not to silence their perspective, but to make responsibility the non-negotiable doorway through which all perspectives must pass. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…’ 

This verse reframes the entire situation. A circular argument is not simply poor communication; it is a doorway through which division can enter the family. When you insist on speaking in a way that is ‘best’, you are not suppressing your child’s voice. Rather, you are protecting both of you from a spiral that can harden hearts. You can use the verse as the basis for a pause: ‘Right now, we need to choose words that heal. Please say one sentence that takes responsibility.’ By tying the pause to this verse, you show that moving from debate to repair is an act of worship, not just a parenting technique. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6018, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

This Hadith provides the clear boundary that can end circularity. If the next sentence is not good, responsible, or solution-oriented, then silence is the most appropriate response according to the Sunnah. You can translate this for your child: ‘If what we are saying is not kind or helpful, we need to pause. We can return with one responsible sentence.’ This teaching does not excuse wrongdoing; it protects the heart while responsibility is being taken. Paired with the Quranic verse, it gives you a two-step compass: choose the best words, or choose silence until you can speak for repair.