Parenting Perspective 

When harm is caused by words, there is no physical object to repair or replace. Yet the wound can be deeper because it affects a person’s dignity. The goal is to teach your child that speech carries weight, that repairing relationships requires care, and that sincere words combined with small, follow-up actions can rebuild trust. It is best to keep the process short, specific, and repeatable so that it becomes a natural family reflex. 

Acknowledge the Harm and Its Impact 

State what happened without drama or accusation: ‘You said those words, and they were hurtful’. Invite a moment of perspective-taking by asking, ‘How do you think that might have felt for him?’ Maintain a steady and calm tone. You are helping your child move from a defensive stance to one of understanding, allowing them to accept their responsibility without feeling overcome by shame. 

Construct a Sincere Apology 

Coach your child to use a simple, three-part apology structure in their own words: 

• ‘I am sorry for saying…’ 

• ‘I understand it made you feel…’ 

• ‘I will try to… next time.’ 

Place emphasis on their tone of voice and facial expression. Sincerity is conveyed through a calm voice, a steady pace, and a gentle expression. Practise this during low-stakes moments so the skill is readily available when emotions are running high. 

Follow Words with a Small Act of Repair 

Match a simple, kind action to the verbal harm. After an unkind remark to a sibling, you could suggest writing a kind note, sharing a favourite toy, or offering to help with a chore. After spreading gossip at school, guide them to clarify the truth with the same group of peers. It is important to praise the act of repair, not just the apology itself: ‘You corrected what you said and checked in with her. That was a very responsible thing to do’. 

Reconnect and Plan for Prevention 

End the conversation warmly and establish one safeguard for the future. This could be a rule about pausing before speaking, a cue phrase like ‘use your best words’, or a plan to step away when anger begins to rise. The overall message should be both hopeful and practical: mistakes in speech are common, but trustworthy people learn to make amends and choose their words more carefully in the future. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, speech is considered an amanah, or a trust. We are accountable for the words that leave our tongues, and we are honoured when we use them to bring about reconciliation. Teaching a child how to repair verbal harm is a way of training them in sincerity, humility, and justice. It shows them that good character is not only reflected in what we do with our hands, but also in what we choose to say with our mouths and feel in our hearts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

Share the meaning of this verse with your child in simple terms: Allah Almighty loves speech that protects feelings and strengthens relationships, whereas careless words can create conflict. When they choose to say, ‘what is best’, they close the door to discord and open a path back to peace. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue and hands. And a Muhajir is the one who gives up all what Allah has forbidden.’ 

Explain how this hadith transforms their apology into meaningful action. True repentance after hurtful speech means using the tongue to heal, not to cause further harm. Encourage them to correct false statements, speak with kindness, and follow up with a small act of goodness. Over time, this rhythm helps to form an inner compass: a heart that chooses the best words, a tongue that is quick to repair any slips, and relationships that grow stronger after every sincere act of making amends.