Parenting Perspective 

When backchat becomes a habit, it can be emotionally draining for parents and damaging to the parent-child relationship. It is important to remember that this behaviour often stems from a child’s underlying need to test boundaries, seek attention, or gain a sense of control. The goal is not to win a battle of wills, but to shift the dynamic from conflict to connection by teaching respectful communication. 

Shift from Punishment to Teaching 

A punitive approach often escalates backchat. Instead, the focus must be on teaching and modelling the respectful dialogue you wish to see. This requires a calm, consistent, and proactive plan. 

• Address it calmly in the moment: When backchat occurs, avoid reacting with anger. Pause, take a breath, and address the tone, not just the words. You might say, ‘I hear that you are upset, but that way of speaking is not respectful. Let’s try that again with a calmer tone’. 

• Focus on emotional regulation: Acknowledge the feeling behind the words. Say, ‘It sounds like you are feeling frustrated right now. It is okay to be frustrated, but it is not okay to speak disrespectfully’. This validates their emotion while holding a firm boundary on behaviour. 

• Involve them in finding a solution: Turn it into a teaching moment by asking collaborative questions. For example, ‘What words could we use right now that would help us both feel respected?’ This empowers your child and teaches them that their choice of language has a direct impact on others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Respectful communication is a cornerstone of Islamic character and is central to nurturing a loving family environment. Our faith encourages believers to use kind words, even when feeling upset, and to build relationships founded on mercy and mutual respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’ 

This powerful verse commands us to protect the dignity of others through our speech. By guiding your child to understand this principle, you are teaching them that respectful language is not just a family rule, but a divine instruction. This connects their behaviour to a higher purpose and helps them internalise the value of kindness. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best of you to my family.’ 

This hadith highlights that a person’s true character is most evident in how they treat their own family. By teaching your child to replace backchat with respectful dialogue, you are not just correcting a bad habit; you are nurturing the good character that is beloved to Allah and His Messenger ﷺ. You are laying the foundation for them to build strong, loving, and respectful relationships throughout their lives.