Parenting Perspective 

When a child makes a mistake, they often feel a mix of guilt and fear. The challenge for parents is to respond in a way that preserves trust while reinforcing responsibility. Modelling forgiveness does not mean excusing behaviour; it means showing that mistakes are opportunities for learning, not reasons for shame. 

Acknowledge the Action, Not the Identity 

It is crucial to separate the child from the behaviour. Your forgiveness should be for them, while accountability is for their action. A simple script can make this clear: ‘What you did was not okay, and we need to fix it. But I forgive you, and I love you’. This distinction helps your child understand that accountability is about their choices, not their worth as a person. 

Demonstrate Empathy and Repair 

Before giving guidance, show empathy by listening to their feelings and perspective. Then, encourage your child to reflect on the impact of their actions and take practical steps to repair any harm done. This could be apologising, helping to clean a mess, or discussing what they could do differently next time. This process reinforces responsibility while showing that you are there to support them. 

Set Clear Expectations 

Forgiveness must be paired with clear and consistent boundaries. This ensures that your child understands both the emotional and behavioural consequences of their actions. Calmly outline your expectations for the future and offer guidance on better choices. This communicates that accountability and compassion always go hand in hand in your family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam values both mercy and justice, teaching that forgiveness does not cancel responsibility. Instead, it strengthens relationships by creating opportunities for understanding and moral growth. 

The Divine Example of Forgiveness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 149: 

‘ If you disclose a goodness (that has been undertaken) or you do it discreetly, or if you pardon someone’s mistake; then indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the Ultimate Pardoner and absolutely Omnipotent.‘ 

This verse encourages us to embody the divine qualities of forgiveness and mercy. When parents forgive, they are not just teaching a social skill; they are reflecting a core spiritual value and demonstrating the character that is beloved by Allah. 

The Reward of Relieving Distress 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 225, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a believer’s distress of the world, Allah will relieve his distress on the Day of Resurrection’ 

When a child makes a mistake, they are in a state of emotional distress. By offering forgiveness, a parent relieves that distress and opens the door for the child to learn and grow without being crushed by guilt. This act of mercy is a profound investment in their emotional well-being and a deed that earns a great reward from Allah.