Parenting Perspective 

When a child shrugs off harm, such as breaking a sibling’s item or scuffing a carer’s bag, it indicates a gap between the harm done and the conscience engaged. The goal is not to induce shame, but to awaken empathy and responsibility. 

Name the Impact and Offer a Repair Map 

Begin by naming the impact clearly and calmly: “This belonged to Auntie. It is damaged, and it matters to her.” Keep your tone steady so the focus remains on understanding the impact, not on defending the self. 

Immediately move into a concrete repair path so your child experiences what accountability looks like. Use short prompts that connect action to consequence: “This is damaged. She trusted us with it.” Follow this with the simple three-part map: 

1. Acknowledge and Apologise: Coach a specific apology: “Say, ‘I am sorry for scuffing your bag.’” 

2. Ask to Make Amends: “Ask her how you can help.” 

3. Restore: “Offer to clean it or contribute to a repair.” 

This shifts the child from minimising the harm to actively repairing it. 

Replace Avoidance with Actionable Choices 

Shrugging often masks discomfort and avoidance. Offer choices that lower defensiveness yet still demand responsibility: “Would you like to write an apology note or clean the scuff mark now together?” 

• Choice invites cooperation without diluting the duty. 

• If money is involved, agree a fair contribution from pocket money. Practical restitution teaches the cost of carelessness and the value of trust better than any lecture. 

Model Conscience and Praise Restoration 

Let your child see you repair promptly when you err: “I accidentally scratched your folder. I will replace it immediately.” Praise the repair act, not their personality: “You offered to wipe it and check again later. That was responsible.” Over time, your child learns that real maturity is shown by repairing harm, not by avoiding guilt. 

Build Preventative Habits 

Set household phrases that normalise respect: “Ask before using what is not yours.” Practise ‘pause and check’ routines before playdates or visits. Repeating these rules in different settings ensures the value becomes portable, not situational. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, respect for others’ property is part of Amanah—the trust that Allah Almighty places upon us.¹ Shrugging off harm corrodes that trust. We teach our children that a believer’s heart is careful with what belongs to others and quick to restore what was damaged, because accountability is an act of worship. 

Qur’anic Guidance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This command covers every scale of trust, including the belongings in our homes. When a child harms an item and then minimises it, the remedy is to re-centre the trust: “This was hers. We must return the situation to fairness.” Practically, that means acknowledging the harm, apologising sincerely, and restoring value through cleaning, repair, or replacement. You are training the child to see trust as sacred, not optional. 

Prophetic Wisdom 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2449, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money to compensate for wrong deeds…’ 

This Hadith powerfully links earthly repair to ultimate accountability. ‘Anything else’ includes property and belongings. The Sunnah here is practical: seek pardon promptly, then settle the right. With children, translate this into steps they can perform now: apologise without excuses, ask what would make it right, and take action to mend or compensate. 

Applying the Sunnah in the Moment 

When your child shrugs, anchor the scene in Prophetic guidance: “Our Messenger ﷺ taught us to fix things with people quickly. Let us apologise and repair today.” 

Then walk the steps with them: write a short note, clean the mark, offer a small contribution, and follow up later to check satisfaction. If the item cannot be restored, agree a replacement plan. End with a reflection: “When we protect others’ things, we honour Allah Almighty’s command about trusts, and we keep our scales light.” 

This spiritual framing softens defensiveness and lifts the task from punishment to purpose. Your child learns that conscience is not about feeling bad, but about doing good after a mistake. The Ayah restores the standard of trust; the Hadith presses the urgency of making amends; and your coaching turns both into lived character. Over time, the shrug gives way to a steady habit: notice harm, own it, repair it.