Parenting Perspective 

When your child excuses hurtful words or a prank with ‘It was only a joke,’ you are facing a critical moment to teach about empathy, boundaries, and accountability. The aim is not to stamp out humour, but to help them see that real jokes do not rely on someone else’s embarrassment or pain. Begin by naming the impact calmly and succinctly, separating the intent from the effect: 

“Your words made your sister feel small. You may have meant it as a joke, but it still hurt.” 

This keeps the conversation calm and specific, and it prevents the familiar cycle of denial and escalation. 

Move from Excuse to Empathy 

Invite perspective-taking with simple questions. Ask: ‘What did you see on her face when everyone laughed?’ or ‘If a friend joked like that about you in front of the class, how would you feel?’ Help them identify the feeling they caused, then connect it to a value: kindness, dignity, or safety. This shifts your child from defending the joke to understanding the person. 

Teach a Repair Path for Humour Mistakes 

Offer a clear, repeatable script for making amends: Acknowledge $\to$ Apologise $\to$ Restore $\to$ Reframe. 

• Acknowledge: State the harm clearly: ‘I said something that hurt you.’ 

• Apologise: Focus on the feeling: ‘I am sorry for making you feel embarrassed.’ 

• Restore: Propose an action to make it better: ‘What would help now? I can say it was not true, and I will sit with you for a bit.’ 

• Reframe: Commit to a positive change: ‘Next time I will make a joke that we both find funny.’ 

Praise the repair, not the personality: ‘You said sorry, clarified it was untrue, and changed the subject kindly. That was responsible.’ 

Set Family Rules for Safe Humour 

Create shared guidelines that protect dignity: no jokes about bodies, beliefs, names, or vulnerabilities. 

• Use a quick, easy prompt: ‘Funny for all, not funny at someone.’ 

• If a line is crossed, intervene with a neutral cue: ‘Red line. Repair please.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic character treats the tongue as a trust. Humour is welcome when it is clean, fair and kind, but it must never belittle. Teach your child that a believer protects people’s dignity, even in play, and that repairing after a hurtful joke is part of worship because it restores the trust between hearts. 

Qur’anic Ayah 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation…and do not insult each other; and do not call each other by (offensive) nicknames…’ 

This ayah draws a bright line: ridicule and insulting nicknames are forbidden, regardless of the joker’s intent. Teach your child to test their humour against this standard. If it risks ridicule, it is not $\text{Halal}$ laughter. Guide them to replace mockery with wit, gratitude and gentle fun that keeps every face safe. 

Hadith Shareef 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue and hands. And a Muhajir (emigrant) is the one who gives up (abandons) all what Allah has forbidden.’ 

This hadith makes the standard practical. If a ‘joke’ harms someone’s heart, honour or sense of safety, it fails the Prophetic measure. Explain this link plainly: guarding your tongue is not only about avoiding lies and insults; it is also about choosing humour that does not wound. 

Applying the Sunnah in the Moment 

• Name the harm without shaming: ‘That joke put him down. Our $\text{Deen}$ asks us to protect each other’s dignity.’ 

• Walk the repair: ‘Please tell him it was untrue, apologise, and ask how to make it right.’ 

• Anchor to worship: ‘When you protect someone from your tongue, you are following the Sunnah and earning reward.’ 

You might close with a small $\text{du‘a}$: ‘O Allah, beautify our character and our words.’ Remind your child that the best jokes make everyone smile, including the One who sees our intentions.