Parenting Perspective 

Start with Clarity and Kindness 

Before visiting relatives or hosting them, parents should decide their non-negotiable rules: sleep routines, device rules, limits on sweets, restrictions on photos for social media, and guidelines for room-entry or borrowing items. Documenting these in a ‘Family Boundaries Card’ helps ensure both parents remain consistent. 

The essentials should then be shared with relatives in a warm, brief message. For example: “We are excited to see you. A few quick things that help our children: please knock before entering bedrooms, kindly ask before taking photos, and screens are off after Maghrib. Thank you for helping us keep things steady.” This approach prevents surprises and maintains a friendly rather than defensive tone. 

Use Social Scripts, Not Conflict 

Equip yourselves and your children with simple, pre-prepared phrases that honour the elders while maintaining your limits. These short, respectful scripts prevent debates from becoming personal. 

• Photos: “We are keeping the children’s photos offline. Thank you for understanding.” 

• Food: “We are saving sweets for after dinner. We brought a snack they love.” 

• Touch: “We are teaching consent. Please ask first. A high-five is perfect.” 

• Rooms/Things: “Please knock before entering the children’s room. They will do the same for you.” 

Teach Three Layers of Rules 

Teach the child to distinguish between three layers of rules to encourage flexibility where possible and firmness where necessary: 

• Host-Rules: When we are guests, we honour the other house’s rules that are safe and Halal (permissible), even if they differ from ours. This teaches flexibility. 

• Home-Rules: In our own house, our rules apply to everyone. Consider posting them gently near shared spaces. This teaches consistency. 

• Safety-Rules: If anything feels unsafe or is clearly against the Deen (religion), the child must come to you at once. This teaches non-negotiable limits. 

Repair Without Drama 

If a boundary is crossed, correct softly and reset the expectation: “We actually ask before taking photos. Let us skip that today.” If tension begins to rise, move the conversation to a private space. After the visit, parents should debrief with the child, discussing what went well, what felt hard, and what to try next time. Reassure them that loving family and holding firm limits can coexist. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic approach provides an elegant blueprint for navigating differences with relatives, centring on courtesy (ihsan) while remaining firm on core values. 

The Qur’anic Blueprint: Courtesy and Firmness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 15: 

‘And if they (the parents) argue with you on (the matter of) ascribing to anything (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism), other than (worshipping) Me (Allah Almighty); then (you can say to them) you do not have any knowledge (of the truth); then do not obey either of them, but keep companionship with them in this life with positivity; and follow the direction of that person who informs (guides) you towards Me (Allah Almighty)…’ 

This ayah (verse) shows that when values conflict, a believer is commanded not to obey in what is wrong, yet must remain courteous and maintain kinship ties (silat ar-rahim). Teach your child that firmness and kindness must coexist: we keep our rule, and we keep our respect for the relative. This approach involves declining a practice politely, remaining warm, and continuing to serve and honour kinship. 

The Prophetic Adab: Respect for Privacy 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6245, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If one seeks permission to enter three times and is not granted, one should return.’ 

The Sunnah (Prophetic way) here establishes a practical standard of respect (adab): there should be no entry without consent, and a graceful withdrawal is expected when permission is not given. This principle maps directly onto household boundaries with extended family. It means that doors are knocked before entry, private drawers are not opened, and a refusal is accepted without offence. This etiquette can be shared with both children and relatives as a prophetic standard of dignity. 

Living the Sunnah at Home 

To practice this Sunnah consistently: 

• Model Asking Permission: Model knocking and waiting, and teach children to do the same with cousins and elders, mirroring the Prophetic etiquette. 

• Avoid Prying: Gently remind family members that Islam forbids prying into others’ matters; maintaining privacy protects hearts and maintains respect. 

• Stay Courteous: Even when declining a request, keep your voice and face soft. This embodies the command to ‘keep their company courteously’ while firmly holding the necessary boundary. 

Parents should tell their child: “We honour our relatives, and we honour our rules. When we say ‘no, thank you’ with respect, we please Allah Almighty and protect our family peace.” Over time, relatives will learn a family’s consistency, children will feel safe within the clear limits,