Parenting Perspective 

Name the Hurt, Then Steady the Heart 

Begin by helping your child identify what happened and how it made them feel: excluded, embarrassed, or confused. You can say, ‘What you felt matters, and I am here with you’. This approach keeps the focus on your child’s experience rather than on the character of the other children. Once the emotions are named, help them regulate with slow breaths, a drink of water, or a short walk. Explain that whispers and inside jokes are often signals about belonging within a group and are not always a personal attack. This protects their self-worth and prevents them from internalising shame. 

Give Dignified Words to Use in the Moment 

Children need short, steady phrases that demonstrate self-respect without escalating conflict. Practise these responses at home so they can be used calmly at school: 

• ‘I would prefer it if we include everyone. Can we speak openly?’ 

• ‘If this is about me, please say it directly. If not, I will join another group.’ 

• ‘I did not understand the joke. If it is friendly, please include me. If not, I am stepping away.’ 

• To a friend later, in private: ‘I felt shut out today. Next time, could you please include me in the conversation?’ 

When you role-play, focus on maintaining a calm voice, a neutral facial expression, and steady posture. It is also important to teach exit skills. If the whispering continues, your child should feel confident to move to a different table, join a new game, or ask a trusted adult for support without creating drama. 

Build Allies and Broaden Belonging 

Coach your child to invest in two or three kind peers rather than relying on a single group that uses exclusion to feel powerful. Help them to notice classmates who are also left out and encourage them to initiate inclusive games during breaks. You could suggest inviting a peer to collaborate on class tasks or hosting a small activity at home. When a child helps others feel included, they become a quiet leader whose presence is valued. 

Strengthen Inner Voice and Boundaries 

Teach your child a simple inner script for difficult moments: ‘My worth is from Allah Almighty. I will act with dignity. I choose kindness and clear words’. This should be paired with setting boundaries. If a friend repeatedly excludes your child, help them to address it gently and reduce their dependence on that friendship while remaining courteous. After school, allow for a brief time to decompress, then pivot to an activity that builds competence, such as sport, art, Quran recitation, or helping others. Confidence is built upon effort and achievement. 

Partner With the School Calmly and Precisely 

If the pattern of exclusion persists, document the dates and specific contexts. Share two or three clear examples with your child’s teacher and ask for circle-time reminders about whispering and inclusion. You can also propose practical solutions, such as ‘open invitation’ games during break times. Ensure your communication remains respectful and solution-oriented, so your child sees adults modelling courage with courtesy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Respond With the Better Way 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Fussilat (41), Verse 34: 

‘And the good actions cannot be equivalent to the mistaken action; (therefore) repel (your mistaken action) with that which is a good action; so, when (you discover) that there is enmity between you and them, (your patience and resilience shall transform them) as if he was a devoted friend.’ 

Explain to your child that ‘the better way’ means using truthful, calm speech or making a dignified exit, not returning the tease. This verse transforms a painful moment into an opportunity for character development, teaching patience, clarity, and leadership. It shows that we do not have to mirror harmful behaviour; instead, we can choose words and actions that elevate the situation. 

Speak Good or Remain Silent 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6138, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.’ 

Connect this hadith to your child’s choices. If the whispering can be redirected with a kind and clear sentence, they should speak it. If not, they should choose silence and move away without bitterness. This approach protects the heart and helps to keep friendships salvageable. Remind your child that Allah Almighty sees their restraint and rewards their dignity. When they practise good words, a steady tone, and graceful exits, they honour themselves, their family, and their faith. 

By naming feelings, rehearsing dignified responses, widening friendships, and anchoring their actions in faith, your child learns that belonging is not something to be begged for. It is built through consistent kindness, clear boundaries, and unwavering trust in Allah Almighty. This balance of courage and grace will serve them in the classroom today and in all community spaces throughout their life.