Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Unspoken Emotions 

When one child requires extra care due to medical, developmental, or emotional needs, it can quietly unsettle the family balance. Parents often carry guilt for spending less time with their other children, while siblings may feel overlooked or quietly resentful. The first step is to recognise these emotions without shame. Fairness does not always mean equal minutes with each child; it means ensuring that every child feels loved, seen, and valued. Create an open space for all your children to voice their feelings. You might say, ‘I know your brother needs extra help right now, but you are just as important to me. I want to make sure we still have our special time too’. This honesty helps to prevent resentment from taking root. 

Build Micro-Moments of Connection 

When long stretches of undivided attention are impossible, look for small, consistent moments of connection. Five intentional minutes of eye contact, laughter, or a shared activity can fill emotional gaps better than hours of distracted time together. Involve your other children in small parts of the care routine, when appropriate, so they feel included rather than displaced. For instance, they could help pack therapy items or cheer for their sibling’s progress. When they contribute meaningfully, it helps to transform comparison into compassion. 

Structure Family Rhythms Thoughtfully 

Create a realistic weekly rhythm that accommodates everyone’s needs without overburdening anyone. 

• Set visual routines: Use calendars or colour-coded charts to help all children know when their turn for special attention will come. 

• Protect family rituals: Even simple traditions like Friday walks, bedtime stories, or Sunday breakfasts create a powerful sense of togetherness. 

• Designate ‘no therapy’ zones: Set aside short windows in the week where attention shifts fully to shared joy, such as playing, storytelling, or praying together. 

If possible, involve extended family or trusted friends to occasionally accompany the child with extra needs so you can spend one-on-one time with the other siblings. Balance can only exist if a parent’s own emotional reserves are not depleted. Therefore, self-care is not an indulgence; it is a vital part of family stability. 

Address Guilt with Clarity 

Many parents carry quiet guilt for dividing their time unevenly, but guilt can drain your energy rather than guide it. Replace guilt with clarity by reminding yourself, ‘Right now, this child needs more practical help, but my love for each of them remains constant’. Children understand fairness better when they see it through consistent affection, not through identical routines. Regularly remind them that family means supporting one another through different seasons and that Allah Almighty values compassion, not comparison. 

Spiritual Insight 

Quranic Guidance: Justice with Compassion 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse teaches that fairness is not the same as sameness. True justice considers context, intention, and need. A parent dividing time between children acts justly not by imposing strict equality but by providing what each child requires most at that time. Helping one child to heal is not an act of neglecting another; it is an act of mercy guided by purpose. Remind your other children that supporting a family member in need is a form of charity (sadaqah) that is rewarded by Allah Almighty. 

Prophetic Wisdom: Mercy Within the Family 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5997, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandson Hasan while another man remarked, ‘I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them’. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

This hadith underscores that love expressed through mercy, tenderness, and attention is central to parenting. It reminds parents that compassion is not to be rationed but should be expressed abundantly, even amidst exhaustion. When you show empathy equally, both to the child who struggles and to the child who waits patiently, you are modelling prophetic mercy in action. 

By explaining to your children that Allah Almighty sees every effort of patience, service, and kindness within the home, you cultivate unity instead of rivalry. When fairness is grounded in compassion, your home becomes a sanctuary of love, not comparison, a place where every child, regardless of their needs, feels secure in your heart and in the mercy of Allah Almighty.