Parenting Perspective 

It is entirely natural for a parent to feel disheartened when a child experiences a setback after a period of noticeable progress. However, it is essential to internalise that human development, particularly in children, is not a linear process; one excellent week does not guarantee continuous forward momentum.¹ The constructive approach involves reframing setbacks not as failures, but as an inherent and necessary component of ongoing growth and learning. 

Understanding Setbacks as Part of Growth 

Parents should strive to model calmness and teach their child that every challenge is, in fact, an opportunity to build resilience and perseverance. 

1. Acknowledge and Validate: Begin by calmly acknowledging the slip without criticism: “I know we had a really great week, and things slipped a little this week. That is completely okay. Let us look at how we can get back on track together.” 

2. Identify the Root Cause: Focus on collaboratively identifying why the slip occurred. Was it caused by stress related to school, an abrupt change in the daily routine, or external influences such as peer pressure? Addressing the root cause, rather than merely the behaviour, provides a clearer path for the child to regain their footing. 

3. Reflect and Adjust: Encourage the child to reflect on what strategies worked well in the previous successful period and what did not work this week. Ask: “What helped us stay focused last week? Let us try incorporating a few of those successful things again.” 

Your ability to remain composed when plans falter teaches your child the critical lesson that setbacks do not define us. The key to successful parenting in these moments is maintaining forward momentum through patience and perseverance. Remind the child that, just as in all aspects of life, genuine progress is achieved through steady, sincere effort, not immediate perfection. 

Using Small Steps to Regain Momentum 

When setbacks happen, it is vital to resist the temptation to revert to high expectations or to force sweeping changes. Instead, momentum is best regained by starting small. 

1. Break Tasks Down: Break the current tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Rather than setting the overwhelming expectation, “We need to get everything back to how it was,” focus on one specific, immediately achievable goal: “This week, let us work solely on remembering our schoolwork preparation routine before bedtime.” 

2. Celebrate Small Wins: The gradual accomplishment of smaller successes removes the pressure of needing to be “perfect” immediately.² Celebrate small wins with specific praise, even for simple consistency, such as getting through a school day without major distraction. 

3. Praise Effort Over Outcome: Ensure your praise targets the child’s effort and dedication, not just the result: “I noticed how you stuck with your reading today, even when you felt tired. That is excellent progress and resilience.” 

This approach teaches the child that consistency, even in small steps, holds more value than fleeting perfection. Through calm, steady, and incremental progress, they learn that setbacks are an inevitable part of life, but with focused effort and patience, they can always continue moving forward. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, believers are taught that all occurrences—periods of ease, success, challenge, and setback—are decreed by Allah Almighty.³ These fluctuations in progress are viewed as tests and profound opportunities for spiritual and personal growth. Staying calm and measured in the face of setbacks is a true reflection of tawakkul (trust in Allah’s wisdom and plan). 

Trust in Allah’s Plan 

The believer’s response to difficulty should always be rooted in reliance upon the Creator. Teach your child that true progress is never defined by the absence of challenges, but rather by the faith and fortitude shown in their response to them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 51: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “No calamity (or difficulty) shall ever befall upon us, except what has been decreed by Allah (Almighty); He is our Lord, and so the believers place their full reliance upon Allah (Almighty)”.’ 

This verse beautifully anchors the heart of the believer, affirming that Allah Almighty is the ultimate Protector and that every instance of hardship or ease is part of His decree. It commands believers to remain firm in faith, knowing that their reliance upon Allah is the greatest source of strength, regardless of external circumstances. 

Consistency as the Key to Spiritual Growth 

The Islamic tradition places immense value on consistency (istiqamah) over intensity, particularly in one’s good deeds. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6464, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant, even if they were little.’ 

This Hadith provides the spiritual blueprint for addressing setbacks: even if progress seems slow or temporarily reversed, consistency in effort is what is truly deemed valuable in the eyes of Allah Almighty. By staying calm and steady in their approach, the child learns to make continuous progress, no matter how small the steps may be. This is a powerful reminder that steady, sincere efforts are profoundly more beloved to Allah than sporadic, grand gestures. 

When the child’s progress seems to slip backward, gently remind them that the consistency of their effort, not the size of the task, is what ultimately counts. Teach them that every small act of sincerity, patience, and effort is a step closer to Allah’s pleasure, and that setbacks are merely part of the noble path towards improvement and ihsan (excellence).