Parenting Perspective 

Naming What Is Happening Without Shame 

The experience of being ‘iced out’ is painful. Explain to your child plainly that exclusion is a common form of social pressure used to control who they associate with and how they behave. 

• Start by validating the pain: acknowledge the awkwardness in the halls, the silent group chats, and the sudden ‘seen’ messages without a reply. 

• Separate their identity from the incident. Say, ‘You did not do anything wrong by being friendly with others. The silent treatment is about power, not about your worth.’ 

Naming the manipulative behaviour reduces confusion and prevents them from internalising the blame. 

Reframe the Story and Protect Dignity 

Assist your child in reframing the situation: their decision to widen their friendships is healthy and appropriate. 

• Coach a short internal script for tough moments: ‘I am allowed to have more than one friend. I will not beg for entry where respect is missing.’ 

• Practise neutral body language, steady breathing, and a gentle half-smile to project calm. 

• Offer responses that maintain dignity, such as, ‘I wish you well. I am heading to my group now.’ 

Discourage over-explaining. Dignity flourishes when words are few and one’s posture is steady. 

Build a Resilient Social Plan 

Exclusion deliberately narrows one’s options; therefore, widen them strategically. Map out three safe social circles for your child: 

1. One classmate who is consistently kind. 

2. One interest club or team. 

3. One older mentor at the school or the local masjid (mosque). 

Encourage small, regular rhythms that rebuild confidence: inviting a peer to study, joining a community service project, or organising a board-game lunch. 

Online Safety: Mute or leave toxic group chats, ensure they screenshot any harassment, and immediately report it to a trusted adult. Keeping a light diary of incidents and mood changes helps you spot patterns and intervene proactively. 

Partner With the School Wisely 

Request a private check-in with a trusted teacher or school counsellor. Ask that staff address inclusion norms with the entire class, rather than singling out your child’s ‘case’ publicly. 

If clear boundaries are breached (e.g., cyberbullying), agree on a safety plan: 

• Who your child can approach between lessons. 

• Where they can sit safely in class or at lunch. 

• How staff will intervene discreetly. 

• The method for recording all incidents. 

Emphasise that the primary goal is culture change and support, not public blame. 

Restore the Core: Routine, Meaning, Mercy 

Exclusion is emotionally draining, so consciously anchor the week. Protect their time for sleep, Salah, mealtimes, physical movement, and moments of joy each day. 

• Invite your child into small acts of service at home or within the community; prosocial action replenishes dignity and shifts focus outward. 

• Model mercy in how you discuss the exclusionary group: be firm on boundaries, but soft on individual hearts. 

When your child feels stable again, coach them on a path toward reconciliation that does not demand self-erasure: a simple greeting, shared project, or neutral conversation. Your child learns that belonging built on respect is worth fighting for, while belonging policed by fear can be left behind. 

Spiritual Insight 

Qur’anic Ayah on Brotherhood 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers…’ 

Remind your child that the Islamic concept of community is brotherhood, which is marked by fairness, repair, and mercy. If peers resort to exclusion for social control, their behaviour deviates from this essential standard. Encourage efforts toward peace where genuinely possible, but never at the expense of truth or self-respect. This verse invites them to be a bridge-builder without becoming a victim of manipulation. 

Hadith on Estranged Relations 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2560a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is not permissible for a Muslim to have estranged relations with his brother beyond three nights, the one turning one way and the other turning the other way when they meet; the better of the two is one who is the first to give a greeting.’ 

Teach your child to maintain their integrity: they should offer salam (peace greeting), keep their speech gentle, refuse gossip, and step away from circles that demand control. This Hadith does not compel them to pursue unkind friends; it requires them to choose reconciliation over rancour and to be the first in goodness when wisdom allows. Their calm salam in the corridor or locker area becomes a quiet, dignified act of strength. 

When practical boundaries are paired with a heart that remains truthful, your child discovers a superior kind of belonging. They learn that Allah Almighty honours those who protect their dignity without hardening their hearts, and that true friends make room for growth rather than punishing it.