Parenting Perspective 

When children cannot name their values, every social decision feels excessively heavy. Naming values transform a foggy choice into a much clearer path. Your role is to help your child translate ideals into simple words, scripts, and habits they can actually use in school corridors, group chats, and family life. Begin by normalising the struggle: ‘It is okay to be unsure. We shall build your compass together.’ This reassurance lowers the pressure and opens the door to honest reflection. 

Discovering Core Pillars 

Invite your child to identify three guiding words that truly resonate with them, not words simply borrowed from adults. Offer a short menu and let them circle their own: Honesty, Kindness, Courage, Loyalty, Effort, Respect, Mercy, Fairness, Patience. Ask, ‘Which three do you want people to recognise in you even on a hard day?’ Keep the selection short, as depth beats length. 

Turning Values into If–Then Rules 

To make values practical, convert them into micro-rules. These reduce decision fatigue by providing immediate guidance. 

• Honesty: ‘If I am tempted to hide, then I tell the truth calmly.’ 

• Kindness: ‘If someone is left out, then I greet and include them.’ 

• Courage: ‘If friends push me to do wrong, then I say no once and step away.’ 

Post these short, portable rules on a card inside their school diary. 

Building a Family Lexicon 

Create a shared language so values are easy to recall under stress. Use phrases like ‘Honest voice’, ‘Kind eyes’, or ‘Courage step’. Before school, ask, ‘Choose one value to practise today. Which one?’ After school, ask, ‘Where did your value show up?’ This makes values measurable in real moments rather than abstract ideals. 

Scripts and Rehearsal 

Values require words to be expressed effectively. Practice two-line scripts that embody each value without creating drama. 

• Honesty: ‘I cannot do that. It is not fair.’ 

• Kindness: ‘You can sit with us.’ 

• Courage: ‘I am not discussing people. I shall see you later.’ 

Rehearsal turns shaky ideals into steady, reliable behaviour. 

Making Decisions Visible 

When choices arise, model ‘naming the value’ in real time: ‘I feel annoyed, but my value is respect, so I shall speak softly.’ Ask your child, ‘Which value leads here?’ Encourage nightly journaling of three lines: ‘Today my value was…, I used it when…, Next time I shall…’ Small reflections effectively wire identity. 

Reviewing Without Shame 

If a choice went wrong, remove the element of blame and return to the underlying values: ‘What value were you trying to protect? What value did you forget? What is one repair step?’ Values grow stronger when they guide repair, not only success. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a beautiful scaffold for values, which turns belief into character. The goal is not to win every moral dilemma, but to keep aligning one’s heart and habits for the sake of Allah Almighty. When children name their values and act on them, choices become worship, not performance. 

The Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 17: 

‘“O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across…”.’ 

This fatherly counsel offers four clear anchors that map directly to core values. Salah roots identity in Allah Almighty before people. ‘Enjoin right’ translates to everyday kindness and fairness. ‘Forbid wrong’ becomes courageous boundaries. ‘Be patient’ becomes resilience when upholding a value costs popularity. Invite your child to pick one of these anchors each week and name the matching value: ‘Today my value is Courage, so I shall say no calmly and step away.’ The ayah turns choices into a clear, honourable path. 

The Words of the Holy Prophet ﷺ 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2518, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Leave that which makes you doubt for that which does not make you doubt.’ 

This concise principle serves as a child-friendly filter. When they feel stuck, teach them to pause and ask, ‘Does this sit clean with my values? Does my heart feel settled?’ If doubt persists, they must choose the cleaner option. Pair this with a quiet du‘a (supplication): ‘O Allah, show me truth as truth and grant me to follow it; show me falsehood as falsehood and keep me away from it.’ Over time, the heart learns to love clarity and dislike confusion. Choices simplify, not because life is easy, but because the compass is strong. 

End by reassuring your child that values are not a test to pass but a path to walk. Some days they will shine; other days they will repair. If they keep naming, practising, and returning to their values for the sake of Allah Almighty, decisions will feel lighter, identity will feel steadier, and their character will carry them with dignity through both acclaim and criticism.