Parenting Perspective 

When your child is suddenly removed from a group chat, the experience can be a confusing mix of embarrassment, hurt, and social anxiety. Your first response should not be to offer quick advice or make assumptions, but to provide a calm and stable presence. By grounding them emotionally first, you create the space to turn a painful digital moment into a lesson in resilience and dignity. 

Ground Your Child Before Guessing 

Before trying to solve the problem, help your child process their initial feelings. Avoid jumping to conclusions or dismissing their pain with phrases like, ‘They are not real friends anyway’. Instead, offer calm validation: ‘That sounds very upsetting. Let us take a moment to breathe before we figure this out’. This approach helps to soothe the reactive part of the brain, allowing for more rational thought. Encourage them to step away from their phone for a few minutes. A short walk, some deep breaths, or any physical movement can restore a sense of balance. Once they are calm, you can ask neutral, fact-finding questions: ‘Who is the administrator of the group?’, or ‘What was the last conversation about?’. This separates emotion from assumption. 

Teach Digital Dignity 

The immediate urge may be to demand an explanation or try to rejoin the group, but a public reaction can often worsen the situation. Teach your child the principle of digital dignity: acting with grace even when you have been excluded. Guide them to avoid sending accusatory messages like, ‘Why did you kick me out?’ Instead, suggest a calm, private message to a trusted friend in the group, such as, ‘Hello, I noticed I am not in the group chat anymore. I just wanted to check if it was a mistake or if something is wrong’. This phrasing is non-confrontational and invites an honest response. If they receive no reply, explain that silence also provides information; it reveals who is, and is not, willing to communicate with respect. 

Turn Pain into Perspective 

Use this incident as an opportunity to discuss the nature of social groups, both online and offline. Explain that friendships can shift, often for reasons that are not clear or personal. Reassure your child that being excluded is not a reflection of their worth. You can say, ‘Sometimes people act in ways we do not understand, but your value does not decrease because of someone else’s actions’. Encourage them to invest their energy in the friends who bring them warmth and consistency. A few real friendships are far more valuable than a large, unstable social circle. 

Plan a Way to Rebuild 

If the exclusion feels like targeted bullying or is part of a recurring pattern, especially in a school-related group, it may be necessary to discreetly involve a teacher. At the same time, empower your child to reclaim their sense of agency. Help them create their own positive online spaces, such as a study group or a chat for a shared hobby, where they can set the rules of kindness and inclusion. Frame the experience not as a final rejection, but as a chance to learn. End your conversations on a note of hope: ‘You can always build new connections, and you can do it with more wisdom this time’. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings provide a powerful framework for maintaining self-respect and dignity in the face of social exclusion. By focusing on our own conduct and trusting in Allah’s wisdom, we can transform a moment of rejection into an opportunity for spiritual growth, learning to respond with peace rather than panic. 

Quranic Guidance: Dignity in the Face of Rejection 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

Explain to your child that this verse teaches us that our dignity comes from how we act, not from how we are treated. Even when others are unfair, we are instructed to respond with calmness. By choosing to handle the situation with grace and kind words, or even peaceful silence, they are not showing weakness. Instead, they are demonstrating a refined character and a strong sense of self-worth that is not dependent on the approval of others. 

Prophetic Wisdom: Guarding the Tongue and the Heart 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6475, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent…’ 

Guide your child to apply this profound hadith to their digital interactions. In moments of hurt and confusion, remaining silent is an act of strength and self-control. It prevents words from being spoken in anger that could cause further harm. Remind them that Allah Almighty is aware of every injustice and every moment of patience. This experience can be an opportunity to pray for better companionship and to strengthen their connection with those friends who truly value them.