Parenting Perspective 

When arguments erupt the instant you sit down, it is often a protest for attention. Children have learned that the moment you try to rest is a guarantee of a high-energy response from you. The quickest way to weaken this pattern is to remove its payoff. 

See the Pattern, Remove the Payoff 

Before you sit, announce a simple ritual: ‘I am about to rest for eight minutes. Arguing will not get my attention, but calm voices will.’ Then, set a visible timer. If they argue, do not rush in or negotiate from the sofa. Stand up, walk over, and calmly separate them or the toys for two minutes without any commentary. Your non-reactive routine teaches them that noise does not grant them access to you. 

Front-Load Connection Before You Sit 

Give a ‘connection deposit’ first. Just two minutes of full eye contact and warmth can prevent attention-seeking behaviour. You could try a quick game, sharing one joke each, taking three deep breaths together, or whispering a plan for what they will do while you rest. Name it each time: ‘Connection first, then my rest time.’ Children borrow your steadiness when they feel seen and connected. 

Create a Peace Plan They Can Follow 

Post a simple flowchart on the wall that they can follow without your help: 

• Stop. Hands down. 

• Say what you want in one sentence. 

• Offer a swap or take turns using a sand timer. 

• If you are still stuck, both take a two-minute cool-off in different spots. 

Practise this during calm moments. Rehearsal is the secret to independence. You could even add roles, like a ‘Calm Captain’ who holds the timer or a ‘Kindness Keeper’ who awards a sticker to the first person who uses respectful words. 

Reward the Behaviour You Want 

Create a ‘Quiet Start Challenge’ for your rest times. If the first eight minutes remain argument-free, they earn a reward, such as choosing the next story, adding a piece to a shared Lego build, or having five extra minutes of chat at bedtime. Praise them with specific feedback: ‘You disagreed but kept your voices steady. That shows real strength.’ 

Intervene Briefly and Repair Later 

When things escalate, keep your interventions short: ‘Pause. You two need to be in different corners for two minutes. We will solve this after the timer goes off.’ After your rest, conduct a two-minute debrief: ‘What was the problem? What did you try? What will you try next time?’ End with a repair ritual, such as returning the toy fairly, exchanging apologies, or doing one generous act for each other. Children learn that conflict can end with dignity, not drama. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty values families that restrain their anger and choose to pardon one another. This spirit can turn a noisy provocation into a valuable lesson in self-mastery. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘ 

This verse provides a script for a household: hold your anger, practise pardon, and then step into goodness. When you refuse to fuel the drama and instead guide your children back to fairness, you are embodying this verse in your living room. 

Model Prophetic Strength in Anger 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reframed strength not as outward dominance but as inner control. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.’ 

Bring this teaching into your family’s dialogue: ‘In our home, strength means staying calm. If voices rise, we pause. If hands move, we stop. We speak only when our hearts are steady.’ When you pause instead of pleading and separate instead of shouting, you are modelling this prophetic strength. Invite your children to ‘try again with strength’ by using a soft tone and taking fair turns. 

Practise Justice Without Humiliation 

Justice at home means that each child has the right to be heard and to feel safe. Keep consequences fair and low on emotion: return the snatched item, reset the situation with a timer, and ask both children to name one fair solution. Avoid public shaming. Replace the question ‘Who started it?’ with ‘What is the plan to end it?’ Your steadiness teaches that Islam’s call to justice begins right here, with siblings and their toys. 

After the storm has passed, close with mercy. You might say a short dua together or encourage a small token of kindness between the siblings. Mercy should be the final feeling they are left with. Over time, your quiet consistency will dissolve the habit of arguing when you sit down. You are not only protecting your own rest; you are shaping hearts that can restrain anger, pardon quickly, and choose excellence (ihsan) as their default response. In that calm, your home becomes a place where love is louder than noise.