Parenting Perspective 

See the Signal Beneath the Sabotage 

When a child ruins a sibling’s game to get your attention, the behaviour is clumsy communication that often means, ‘I feel left out.’ It is crucial to name the signal without shaming the child. You can say, ‘You wanted me to notice you. Breaking your brother’s game is not how we ask for help.’ This approach affirms their need for connection while making the boundary clear. Keep your tone warm and steady, as your goal is to protect both your bond with the child and the family rules. 

Prioritise Repair, Then Redirect 

First, turn your attention to the sibling whose game was disrupted and say, ‘I will help you rebuild this.’ This brief, tangible act of repair demonstrates that causing harm does not result in a reward. Then, face the child who is seeking attention and give them a clean route back to belonging: ‘If you need me, please touch my arm and say, ‘my turn please’. I will finish helping your brother for two minutes, and then I am all yours.’ You are teaching them how to request connection without using destruction. 

Channel Attention into Helpful Action 

Avoid offering treats or special privileges immediately after an act of sabotage. Instead, give a short, pro-social task that serves the family: ‘Please collect the pieces and pass them to us. When we have finished repairing this, I will listen to what you wanted to tell me.’ This ensures that your attention is available but is contingent on patience and repair, not on disruption. Remember to praise the positive action: ‘You helped rebuild that. That shows responsibility.’ 

Rehearse a Better Way to Ask 

Later, when everyone is calm, practise a ‘notice-me plan’. This could be a simple routine involving a shoulder tap, making eye contact, taking one deep breath, and then using the words, ‘my turn please’. You can role-play brief waits using a timer so your child can experience successful patience in a low-stress setting. Creating small, predictable slots of one-to-one time each day, even for just five minutes, can also reduce the urge to force attention. Announce these times clearly: ‘Your special turn is after our snack.’ 

Make Fairness Visible and Predictable 

It is important to narrate fairness without making direct comparisons. You might say, ‘I helped your brother repair what was broken. Now I will give you my two minutes of attention because you waited and helped.’ Ensure you rotate privileges and roles, track turns if necessary, and keep your praise descriptive and brief: ‘You waited patiently and asked with your words.’ Over time, your child will learn that your connection is reliable and that harming a sibling only delays it. 

Spiritual Insight 

A parent’s role is to protect both the child who was wronged and the child who did wrong, guiding each of them toward ihsan (excellence). You can acknowledge a child’s ache for attention while refusing to allow harm to become a doorway to closeness. Justice means repairing what was broken. Mercy means offering a dignified route back to connection. Together, these principles build a home where love is steady and boundaries are trusted. 

Reconcile Hearts and Prevent Harm 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one.’ 

When the Companions asked how they could help an oppressor, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ replied, ‘By preventing him from oppressing others.’ Practically, this means you first secure the child who was hurt by helping them rebuild. Then, you ‘help’ the child who caused the harm by stopping the behaviour and teaching a better path to seek connection. You are not choosing one child over the other; you are choosing justice with mercy. When you keep repair tangible, attention predictable, and requests respectful, rivalry softens. Siblings learn that your love is firm, fair, and reachable without having to break something another person loves.