Parenting Perspective 

When a child hears words like ‘lazy’ applied to them, the emotional core is often shame and fear of judgment. These labels can feel like a verdict on who they are, rather than feedback on behaviour, and can trigger defensiveness, withdrawal, or arguments. Children may instinctively resist responsibility because accepting it while carrying a negative identity feels psychologically unsafe—they are protecting their self-image rather than deliberately avoiding chores. 

See the Feeling First 

Before focusing on the task, acknowledge the emotion: ‘I can see that being called lazy upsets you; it makes you feel unfairly judged.’ Validating their feelings reduces emotional resistance and opens the door for constructive discussion. When children feel seen, they are more willing to engage in self-reflection rather than react defensively. 

Reframe Responsibility 

Shift the conversation from identity to action: ‘This task is about completing your part, not about who you are.’ Frame one small chore as a test of effort rather than character: ‘Let us try folding these clothes together, focusing on doing our best.’ By separating self-worth from action, children can take responsibility without internalising blame or shame. 

Encourage Reflection and Growth 

Invite your child to reflect on cause and effect rather than labels: ‘What happens if we do the dishes right away? How does that make things easier for everyone?’ This encourages them to see responsibility as a tool for competence and contribution, not punishment. Over time, consistent positive framing reduces the sting of labels and builds ownership, resilience, and intrinsic motivation. 

Micro-Action to Try 

Frame one small chore as a test of effort rather than character: ‘Let us try folding these clothes together, focusing on doing our best.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that sincerity, effort, and intention are more significant than external judgments or the words of others. Labels like ‘lazy’ do not define a soul; actions done with diligence and care do. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This verse reassures that consistent effort and striving, regardless of criticism, is what Allah Almighty values. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Actions are [judged] by intentions, and every person will get what he intended.’ 

Parents can teach children that their sincerity and effort matter far more than labels. By reinforcing that chores are about learning responsibility, contribution, and care, children gradually internalise that effort is noble, accountability is empowering, and external words do not define their character. This cultivates resilience, confidence, and a mindset oriented toward growth under the guidance of Allah Almighty.