Parenting Perspective 

When a child repeatedly gets out of bed after being tucked in, it is often a sign of an unmet need rather than simple defiance. Understanding the underlying reason is the key to finding a kind and effective solution. 

Understand the ‘Why’ Before the ‘How’ 

Repeatedly leaving the bedroom is usually driven by one of three things: a need for connection, anxiety about being alone, or a habit that has formed over time. Take a few minutes during the day to ask gently, ‘What makes it hard to stay in bed at night?’ You may discover worries about the dark, thirst, or a fear of missing out on family conversations. When you treat the behaviour as communication, your approach can become more compassionate and successful. 

Establish a Predictable Wind-Down Routine 

Consistency is crucial for signalling to a child’s body and mind that it is time to rest. For at least two weeks, aim for the same sequence, in the same order, with the same calm tone each night. A typical routine might be: toilet, a sip of water, brushing teeth, putting on pyjamas, reading two short books, and making a brief dua with the lights dimmed. The final ten minutes should be especially calm and sensory-soft, with a slower voice and slower movements. This predictability lowers arousal in the nervous system, making it easier for your child to stay in bed. 

Implement a ‘Bedtime Ticket’ System 

To manage requests after lights out, you can give your child one or two ‘tickets’, such as paper stars, each night. They can trade a ticket for one reasonable request, like another trip to the toilet or one more tuck-in. Once the tickets are used, any further requests are met with a warm but firm whisper: ‘Your tickets are finished for tonight. I will see you in the morning.’ This approach preserves their dignity while preventing endless negotiations. You can pair this with a simple morning reward for staying in bed, such as choosing the fruit for breakfast or being the ‘dua leader’. 

Respond Calmly and Consistently 

When your child appears after bedtime, it is vital to avoid lectures, bargaining, or engaging in new conversations. The response should be brief, boring, and focused on returning to bed. Kneel to their eye level and whisper a consistent phrase like, ‘It is sleep time. Back to bed now, my love.’ Guide them back, tuck them in, and leave without further discussion. Every extra word can inadvertently reward the behaviour with attention. Consistency between parents is also essential; agree on the plan and stick to it together. 

Address the Underlying Barriers 

Sometimes, there are specific obstacles you can help your child overcome. 

• Fear of the dark: A dim, warm night-light can help. You can also create a ‘bravery script’ they can repeat, such as, ‘I am safe and my room is safe.’ 

• Thirst or toilet needs: Ensure they have a drink and use the toilet just before stories. A small, designated cup of water by the bed can also be an option for a tiny sip. 

• Separation anxiety: A ‘link object’, like a small scarf with your scent on it, can be comforting. You can also offer a predictable check-in: ‘I will peek in on you in five minutes.’ Keep this promise consistently before gradually fading it out. 

• Body clock issues: Ensure your child has plenty of active play during the afternoon and avoids stimulating screens for at least two hours before bed. A child who is overtired can often appear energetic and struggle to settle. 

Spiritual Insight 

Framing bedtime within an Islamic context can help a child feel secure and understand the purpose of rest, turning a nightly struggle into a peaceful spiritual practice. 

Sleep as a Mercy and a Trust 

Teach your child that the night is a mercy from Allah Almighty, not a punishment or a time of separation. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nabaa (78), Verse 9: 

‘And We designed your sleep (as a form of) rejuvenation.’ 

You can explain, ‘Sleep is a gift that heals our bodies and our hearts. When we stay in our beds, we are accepting this beautiful gift from Allah.’ A short dhikr after lights out, such as SubhanAllah, Alhamdulillah, and Allahu Akbar, can settle the breath and anchor the heart in remembrance. 

Discipline Through Prophetic Gentleness 

Night-time discipline is most effective when it is calm and consistent, not confrontational. The Prophet Muhammad’s ﷺ example shows us the power of kindness. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2593, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah is kind and He loves kindness…’ 

When your child gets out of bed, keep your voice low and your words few. Returning them gently but firmly each time is an act of prophetic strength: patient, steady, and free from shame. You can frame their success in spiritual terms they can understand: ‘You stayed in your bed even when it felt hard. That is Sabr, and Allah loves those who have Sabr.’ This helps them see self-control as a victory of their own.