Parenting Perspective 

When a child questions the different rules for men and women in Islam, their feeling often comes from a place of confusion and a sense of unfairness. It is crucial to validate their curiosity by saying, ‘I understand why you are asking about this. It is good that you are thinking deeply about it.’ This acknowledgement signals that their questions are a safe and respected part of learning their faith. 

Explore the Purpose, Not Just the Rule 

Explain that the differences in roles and responsibilities are not meant to limit anyone, but to create a system of balance and protection within the family and society. You could say, ‘These guidelines are designed to help each person fulfil their potential in a way that is spiritually fulfilling.’ Emphasise that in Islam, fairness is measured by accountability and care, not by identical roles. 

Use Relatable Examples 

Children understand complex ideas better through tangible comparisons. You might use the example of a sports team: ‘Just like a football team has defenders and strikers with different jobs, Islam gives men and women different roles that work together for the good of the family.’ You can also ask your child to list the different daily tasks family members do, showing that while roles may differ, respect and value remain equal. 

Encourage an Ongoing Dialogue 

Remind your child that questions about fairness and purpose are a normal part of growing in one’s faith. Create a safe space where they can revisit these topics without fear by saying, ‘If you ever notice something that feels unfair, we can always talk about it together.’ This builds a healthy habit of seeking knowledge rather than internalising doubt or resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the inherent differences between men and women and establishes guidelines that are designed to ensure social and spiritual harmony. Understanding these rules often requires looking beyond a surface-level idea of sameness and appreciating the unique balance that Allah has created. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 32: 

‘And do not begrudge what benefactions have been given by Allah (Almighty), some of you instead of others; for the men is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work), and for the women, is a share of what they have earnt (through their hard work); and (if you wish for more) ask Allah (Almighty) from His benefactions (to give you more)…’ 

This verse teaches that our different roles and capacities are divinely ordained with perfect wisdom. Our blessings and our accountability are unique to us, based on Allah’s complete knowledge of our nature. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character. And the best of you are those who are best to their women.’ 

Through this hadith, a child can understand that Islam does not just prescribe different responsibilities; it demands that these roles be fulfilled with the utmost respect, care, and fairness. The gender-specific rules are therefore not arbitrary, but are part of a framework designed for harmony and mutual respect. 

By combining empathy, clear explanations, and spiritual guidance, you can help your child to see that the differences in rules for men and women are rooted in divine wisdom, protection, and a desire for balance. This approach encourages thoughtful reflection rather than resentment or confusion.