Parenting Perspective 

Children truly thrive when affirmation helps them see what they did correctly rather than simply making them feel good momentarily. The difference lies entirely in precision. Clear, highly descriptive praise effectively builds genuine self awareness, not vanity. It helps a child understand which specific behaviours they should repeat and why those actions were truly meaningful. Vague compliments feed the ego; descriptive, specific praise feeds growth and understanding. 

Painting the Picture of Their Action 

When offering affirmation, clearly name the specific behaviour and its positive effect. Instead of the generic, faded compliment ‘Good job!’, try: ‘You placed your shoes neatly on the rack without being reminded—that showed responsibility.’ The more concrete and detailed your words are, the stronger the learning imprint becomes. A child then connects the praise to their specific positive choices, not to a fixed personality trait. They understand, “This is what I did right,” not “I am always right.” 

Using the Language of Observation 

Speak to your child like a gentle, sincere observer, not a critical judge. You might use phrases such as: 

• ‘I noticed how you helped your brother pick up his pencil when he dropped it.’ 

• ‘You kept practising that difficult scale even when it was tricky, which is admirable.’ 

• ‘You spoke kindly when you disagreed with your sister—that action showed real respect.’ 

These simple statements achieve two important things: they affirm your consistent awareness of their actions and they model essential emotional vocabulary. Over time, your child will naturally use similar, descriptive phrases when reflecting on their own conduct. 

Linking Praise to the Value Behind It 

Go beyond the action and describe what the act represents in terms of character. For example: ‘You returned the book you borrowed precisely on time—that shows honesty.’ or ‘You comforted your friend who was upset—that was true compassion.’ When moral values are explicitly named, your affirmation instantly transforms into character education. The child learns not just what to do, but understands why it matters in the light of Allah Almighty’s wisdom. 

Keeping the Tone Gentle, Not Grand 

Even highly descriptive praise can turn into a source of pride if it is delivered theatrically or with excessive excitement. Speak warmly, with calm sincerity. The consistent goal should be to convey genuine understanding, not to generate applause. Your measured tone teaches them that goodness is expected and beautiful, not something to boast about excessively. 

A helpful micro action: each evening, consciously recall one specific act your child did well that day and describe it clearly and precisely—for instance, ‘You waited patiently for ten minutes when I was on the phone today, thank you.’ Consistency naturally makes descriptive praise a core family language. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places high honour on clarity and sincerity in all deeds. Allah Almighty, in His ultimate mercy, consistently recognises every detailed, small act of goodness—even those that go completely unnoticed by others. When parents praise specifically and descriptively, they subtly mirror this divine attentiveness, teaching their children that every conscious effort counts and is valuable. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 148: 

‘ So, Allah (Almighty) granted them the successes of the worldly (life), and even better rewards in the Hereafter; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.‘ 

This profound verse reminds us that Allah Almighty’s love is actively drawn towards those who strive to act with ihsan—excellence that is always grounded in self awareness. When parents descriptively point out exactly what their child did correctly, they nurture that same inner consciousness: the consistent desire to do good actions beautifully and completely, for Allah Almighty’s pleasure. 

It is recorded in 40 Hadith An Nawawi, Hadith 17, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah has prescribed excellence (ihsan) in all things.’ 

This Hadith clearly highlights precision and care as qualities that are deeply beloved to Allah Almighty. When parental affirmation reflects this high standard—by noticing the small, sincere details of a child’s sustained effort—it beautifully aligns daily parenting practice with prophetic guidance. 

In time, your child begins to internalise the truth that excellence is not primarily about being praised, but about doing their very best in every single moment. Through your specific, calm, and descriptive words, they learn that every small act performed with sincerity is actively seen, highly valued, and meticulously recorded—first by you, and, far more importantly, by Allah Almighty.