Parenting Perspective 

Explain the Burden of Grudges 

Teaching your child to forgive instead of holding grudges is an important lesson in emotional maturity, empathy, and personal growth. You can start by discussing the negative effects of holding onto grudges. Explain that harbouring anger or resentment can make them feel sad, frustrated, and disconnected from others. You might say, ‘When you hold onto anger or refuse to forgive, it only hurts you. Letting go of that anger will help you to feel better.’ 

Forgiveness is for Their Own Peace 

Help your child to understand that forgiveness does not mean excusing bad behaviour, but that it is a way to move forward and to release negative emotions. You can explain, ‘Forgiving does not mean saying what they did was okay, but it means you are choosing to move past it so it does not control your feelings.’ Teach them that forgiveness is for their own peace of mind, not just for the person who hurt them. 

Encourage Expression and Praise Forgiveness 

Encourage your child to express their feelings to the person who hurt them, either through words or actions, in a calm and respectful manner. Teach them that while it is natural to feel upset, holding onto a grudge only keeps them stuck in the past. You can role-play situations where your child can practise forgiveness, showing them how to let go of negative feelings and to move forward with kindness. It is important to praise your child when they choose forgiveness, as this reinforces the idea that letting go of grudges leads to emotional peace and stronger, more positive relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, forgiveness is highly valued, and Allah Almighty encourages us to forgive others in the hope of receiving His mercy.³ Allah teaches us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 199: 

‘(O Prophet Muhammad ⁴ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.’ 

This verse highlights the importance of showing forgiveness, even to those who may not deserve it, as a means of achieving spiritual growth and harmony. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised the importance of forgiveness in his teachings. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 3587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their families.’ 

This Hadith underscores that forgiveness is a key aspect of nurturing healthy relationships, starting with the family. By teaching your child to forgive, you are guiding them to follow the example of the Prophet ﷺ, fostering peace, understanding, and emotional maturity in their lives.