Parenting Perspective 

Understand the Reason Behind the Tattling 

Tattling or telling tales can be a common behaviour in children, particularly when they are trying to gain attention or seek validation. While it is important to address tattling, it is also important to understand why your child may be doing it. Often, a child’s tattling is their way of seeking reassurance or approval, or it may be a way for them to gain power in a situation. The first step in addressing this behaviour is to explain the difference between informing an adult of a problem and simply telling tales. 

Teach the Difference Between Tattling and Informing 

You can start by teaching your child when it is appropriate to tell an adult and when it is not necessary. Explain that tattling usually happens when one child wants to get another into trouble, whereas informing an adult is appropriate when someone is in danger or when something unfair is happening. You might say, ‘It is important to tell me if someone is in danger or if they are being hurt. But if someone is just bothering you a little, you can try to solve it on your own.’ This distinction helps your child to learn when they should step in and when they should handle the situation themselves. 

Encourage Problem-Solving 

Another strategy is to encourage problem-solving. Instead of having them run to you every time a sibling does something they do not like, guide your child to resolve issues independently. You can ask them what they could do to handle the situation themselves. For example, if they are being bothered by their sibling, encourage them to calmly ask their sibling to stop. Praise them when they try to resolve conflicts on their own, as this will not only reduce tattling but will also teach your child valuable conflict-resolution skills. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, fairness and conflict resolution are essential parts of maintaining harmony in relationships. Allah Almighty teaches us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive….’ 

This verse highlights the importance of fairness and mutual respect, warning against behaviours that cause harm or division. While tattling is not directly addressed in the Quran, it can be viewed as a way of undermining relationships and creating discord. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised the importance of maintaining peace and fairness among people. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 13, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘None of you truly believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.’ 

This Hadith encourages children to resolve their differences peacefully and with empathy, rather than resorting to tattling. By teaching your children the values of fairness, respect, and responsibility in resolving conflicts, you are helping them to align their behaviour with the teachings of Islam.