Parenting Perspective 

When a child experiences envy, the feeling often includes a sense of inadequacy, comparison, or a fear of missing out. They may feel uncomfortable admitting it, believing that such feelings are inherently wrong or sinful. Your role as a parent is to normalise the emotion, helping your child to understand that while feeling envy is human, what truly defines our character is how we respond to it. 

Acknowledge the Feeling Without Judgement 

Start by acknowledging the emotion without moralising it: ‘I can see that it feels upsetting when your friend has something that you would like. That is a normal feeling, and it does not make you a bad person.’ This reassurance helps your child to separate the emotion from their sense of self-worth. It teaches them that feelings are just data, not a final verdict on their character. This shows that their emotions are valid. 

Reframe Envy as a Form of Awareness 

Help your child to view envy as an internal signal rather than a moral failure. It can show them what they truly value or desire, which opens a path for growth. You could say, ‘That feeling of envy is just your heart telling you what is important to you.’ You can also model this by sharing a small moment when you felt envy and how you used it as a reminder to focus on your own work. This frames envy as informative, not sinful. 

Transform Envy into Gratitude and Action 

Introduce simple, reflective practices that can shift their focus towards gratitude and constructive action. For example, ask your child to list three things they appreciate in their own life. Or help them to set a small, personal goal that channels their desire into positive effort. This helps them to see that envy can be a motivator for self-improvement, not resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises the reality of human emotions and provides profound guidance on how to manage them constructively. The feeling of envy is not sinful in itself; what matters is our intention and our response to that feeling. By guiding your child to reflect on their envy, you are helping to align their emotional intelligence with their spiritual growth. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Falaq (113), Verse 5: 

‘“(Refuge from) the wickedness of the envious when they are jealous”.’ 

This verse from the chapter on seeking refuge acknowledges envy as a powerful and real force, from which we must seek protection. It frames envy as something to be recognised and managed with spiritual tools, not something to be suppressed or hidden in shame. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4903, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Beware of envy, for it devours good deeds just as fire consumes wood or grass.’ 

This hadith offers a practical warning. While the feeling of envy is not sinful, allowing it to fester can destroy the reward of our good actions. By teaching your child to acknowledge the feeling without letting it consume them, you are equipping them with a vital spiritual tool: the ability to transform a challenging emotion into a constructive choice. 

Helping your child to navigate envy with honesty and gratitude fosters both emotional maturity and spiritual resilience. They learn that their feelings do not define their character; rather, it is their response to those feelings that can strengthen their faith, their self-respect, and their ability to live mindfully under the guidance of Allah Almighty.