Parenting Perspective 

Some friendship groups create an environment that quietly punishes effort. Children quickly learn that trying hard, answering questions first, or visibly aiming high can invite teasing and exclusion. This establishes a hidden rule: perform below your ability to belong. Your task is to help your child clearly see this trap, maintain friendships where appropriate, and still honour the talent Allah Almighty has given them. 

Name the Pattern Without Shaming Peers 

Teach your child to recognise the script: peers offer praise when they coast, but respond with jokes or mockery when they excel. 

• Translate this pattern simply: ‘They like you small because small feels safe for them.’ 

Naming the pattern helps your child turn confusion into clarity and significantly reduces the sting of the mockery. 

Build an Inner Standard of Effort 

Agree on a family metric that your child can control, regardless of grades: time spent on task, the number of practice problems completed, or daily reading minutes. 

• Celebrate the process, not solely the mark. Say: ‘Our standard is honest effort. Belonging is welcome, but not at the cost of your gift.’ 

Predictable praise for effort anchors their worth when peers attempt to devalue their striving. 

Give Short, Steady Replies to Peer Pressure 

Children must be able to deploy calm, short refusal lines that protect their dignity without escalating into an argument. 

• ‘I am okay giving my best.’ 

• ‘I do my thing; you do yours.’ 

• ‘I am aiming for my goal this term.’ 

• ‘I can hang out after I finish this section.’ 

Coach the delivery: use a friendly tone, a small smile, and immediately move on. If teasing continues, they should use the gentle repeat once, then change their seat, exit the chat, or return visibly to their work. 

Offer Friendship Without Shrinking 

Help your child proactively suggest alternatives that keep the connection strong but stop the anti-effort spiral: shared break time walks, non-academic sport after school, or weekend time that does not undercut homework. Show them how to publicly affirm others’ wins. Confident generosity often softens resentment and helps to gently reset the group’s internal culture. 

Create Mixed Circles of Belonging 

Encourage your child to find at least one community that celebrates effort: this could be a club, a sports team, a competition group, or a study circle. One “effort-friendly” circle acts as a vital buffer, protecting them from the cost of saying ‘no’ to underperformance. If possible, pair your child with a like-minded buddy in class to normalise striving. 

Plan for Hot Moments 

When the class laughs at a high score or a teacher asks a hard question, give your child micro-tools for composure: 

• Breathe out slowly. 

• Answer briefly but clearly. 

• Look back down at the page immediately to avoid scanning faces for reactions. 

After school, debrief what worked and treat composure as a major success. 

Repair Identity After Tough Days 

Mockery can be deeply bruising. Address the feeling first, then restore the truth: ‘Your ability is a trust from Allah. You honoured it today.’ Keep a simple success log at home—one line per day of what they sincerely attempted, not just what they achieved. This consistent habit protects their long-term confidence. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam profoundly honours sincere striving (jihad). Hiding a God-given talent to appease a crowd harms the self and robs others of the benefit their efforts could bring. The believer must always aim for excellence with humility, seeking Allah Almighty’s pleasure rather than temporary peer applause. 

Ayah from the Noble Quran 

The ultimate measure of a person is their effort, not the subjective opinion of others. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verse 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

This ayah (verse) anchors true human worth in effort, not opinion or social approval. Your child’s responsibility is to strive for what benefits them and others, regardless of shifting peer judgment. When they choose honest effort over fitting in, they align themselves with a divine measure of value. 

Hadith of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

Believers are commanded to pursue self-improvement and avoid self-sabotage. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both. Be eager for that which benefits you, seek help from Allah, and do not be incapable.’ 

This Hadith provides a practical compass: actively pursue what benefits you, seek aid from Allah Almighty, and resist self-sabotaging behaviour. Teach your child that strength here means the moral courage to use their God-given ability, not a display of superiority over others. Humility and high standards can coexist. 

Help your child carry one closing script that blends conviction with kindness: ‘I play small for no one, and I cheer you on too.’ Then pair it with action: steady study, warm manners, and quiet dua (supplication) for sincerity. When they honour their trust without arrogance, they model a faith-centred excellence that earns the kind of respect and acceptance that is truly worth having.