Parenting Perspective 

Listen First to Validate Feelings 

The first step in balancing empathy with authority is to recognise that your child’s emotional expression is not a challenge, but a natural need to be heard. When your child pushes back against a limit, begin by actively listening. Pause what you are doing, maintain eye contact, and show you understand by paraphrasing their feelings. You could say, ‘I hear that you are upset because you wanted more time to play’. This simple act of validation calms their defensive feelings and makes them more receptive to your guidance. 

Combine Empathy with a Clear Limit 

After you have listened, calmly and clearly state the boundary. Use brief, consistent language to avoid confusion or lectures. For example: ‘I understand you want more time, but our rule is that homework comes first’. A practical and empowering strategy is to offer a small choice within the boundary. You might say, ‘You can do your homework now and have a break after, or finish it all in one go’. This respects their desire for autonomy while maintaining the necessary structure. 

Model Respectful Communication 

Set the tone for respectful dialogue by modelling composure yourself. Avoid raising your voice or making threats; instead, use neutral but firm statements to hold the limit. Over time, your child will learn that being heard does not mean rules are negotiable, and that boundaries are set with care, not anger. This dual approach strengthens trust and encourages genuine cooperation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages a balance of compassion and firm guidance, reflecting the Prophet’s ﷺ example of gentle authority rooted in wisdom. Listening while setting limits helps cultivate moral awareness and patience in children, which are cherished Islamic virtues. 

The Power of Lenient Guidance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 159: 

‘ So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This powerful verse reminds parents that kindness and a gentle approach are far more effective than harshness. Pairing firm guidance with a lenient and merciful heart nurtures obedience that comes from love and respect, not from fear or resentment. 

Be the Best to Your Family 

It is recorded in Miskaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3252, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’ 

This hadith sets the standard for our conduct at home. By integrating active listening with clear boundaries, parents embody this prophetic guidance. This fosters a cooperative spirit where children feel valued and respected while also learning the crucial life skill of self-discipline.