Parenting Perspective 

Name the Feeling and Lower the Alarm 

When plans change unexpectedly, many children feel unsafe rather than intentionally ‘naughty’. Panic is the body’s alarm system, not a character flaw. It is helpful to begin by naming what you see with calm accuracy: ‘Your tummy feels tight because the plan changed. That is a scary feeling.’ Naming the emotion helps to bring their thinking brain back online. Keep your voice slow, your sentences short, and your posture soft. Offer a single anchor, such as, ‘Hold my hand and breathe with me’, before you offer any solutions. The rule is connection first, coaching second. 

Build a Simple ‘Plan B’ Reflex 

Flexibility grows when a child trusts that Plan B will not necessarily be worse than Plan A. You can practise a three-step script during ordinary, calm moments so it is ready for a surprise: 

1. Stop and take a deep breath. 

2. Say aloud: ‘Plan B time.’ 

3. Choose one of two simple next options. 

Keep the options small and concrete. For example, ‘If the park is closed, shall we make a den at home or bake some biscuits?’ Over time, be sure to celebrate the successful switch itself, not just the result: ‘You changed plans today. That showed real bravery.’ 

Coach the Body Before the Mind 

A child who is panicking cannot reason effectively. Teach them two rapid body-reset techniques that work anywhere. The first is ‘Box Breathing’: inhale for a count of four, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four. The second is to ‘Push the Wall’: place palms flat on a wall, lean in, and press for ten seconds to release adrenaline safely. Pair each reset with a short, reassuring line: ‘We can handle surprises. Allah Almighty is with us.’ Once the body calms, curiosity returns and problem-solving becomes possible again. 

Use Rehearsals and Visual Cues 

Rehearse tiny ‘surprise drills’ at home. For instance, you could change the order of two steps in a familiar routine, then practise the ‘Plan B’ script together. It can also be helpful to use a small card or a note on a phone with three simple icons: breathe, say ‘Plan B’, and choose the next step. For sensitive children, previewing likely changes before you go out can be beneficial: ‘If the shop is shut, we will leave a note and try the library instead.’ After real-life wobbles, debrief briefly: ‘What helped? What shall we try next time?’ Keep your praise specific: ‘You paused and breathed before choosing. That was very strong.’ 

Model Calm Language and Boundaries 

Children copy the nervous system of the adults around them. Speak the stance you want them to learn: ‘We had hoped for Plan A. Allah Almighty has sent Plan B. We can still make Plan B a gentle experience.’ Avoid catastrophising, sarcasm, or rushing. It is also important to hold compassionate boundaries: ‘We can be upset and still speak kindly. If voices get too loud, we will pause and breathe together.’ Flexibility is not about saying yes to everything. It is about staying steady, choosing the next right step, and keeping respect in the room. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 11: 

‘And no calamity befalls (upon mankind) except with the permission of Allah (Almighty); and those who believe in Allah (Almighty), He guides his heart (towards the truth); and Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient of everything.‘ 

This verse is a map for navigating moments of surprise. We make our plans, and Allah Almighty arranges the outcomes. Teaching a child to whisper, ‘Plan B time. Allah Almighty is guiding my heart,’ converts panic into tawakkul (reliance on God). It does not deny the feeling; it anchors the feeling to divine care. When you frame changes as part of the measured wisdom of Allah Almighty, your child learns that flexibility is not a loss of control but a movement towards trust. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective.’ 

In moments of surprise, the first thing to disappear is often gentleness. Yet the Sunnah teaches that gentleness is the ingredient that turns disruption into growth. Be gentle with your child’s alarm, and be gentle with yourself as you guide them. Keep your tone low, your instructions few, and your corrections respectful. When families treat sudden change with ihsan (excellence), children discover that Islam is not only a set of rules but a way of carrying the heart through uncertainty with beauty. A flexible child learns to say, ‘This changed, but I am still safe. Allah Almighty is guiding my heart,’ and that is the deepest flexibility of all.