Parenting Perspective 

It is important to explain the concept of control to children in a way that builds resilience rather than anxiety. By separating what they can control from what they cannot, you empower them to act wisely while accepting life’s uncertainties. 

Use Gentle and Concrete Language 

Begin with a calm truth in simple words: ‘We do our best, and then some things are outside our control’. Give everyday examples your child knows, such as the bus being late, rain during a cricket match, or a classmate being absent. Link the idea to feelings: ‘When plans change, it is normal to feel upset or worried. Our job is to choose calm actions even when we cannot choose what happens’. 

Separate Effort from Outcome 

Children accept limits more easily when they understand what is within their power. Teach them this framework: ‘My effort is mine. The outcome belongs to Allah Almighty’. Use short scripts before challenges, such as, ‘I will prepare well, and then I will be okay with what happens’. Afterwards, praise the controllables: their preparation, manners, patience, and asking for help. This builds a stable sense of competence that does not collapse when results vary. 

Use a Visual ‘Circles of Control’ Tool 

Draw two circles. Inside the smaller ‘Control’ circle, write actions your child can take now, such as packing their bag, practising their lines, breathing slowly, or asking a question. In the larger ‘No Control’ circle, write what belongs to Allah Almighty’s plan, like the weather, others’ choices, traffic, or last-minute changes. Revisit this chart before tricky moments, pointing to the inner circle as you plan. This visual tool reduces feelings of powerlessness and prevents rumination. 

Practise with Small Drills 

Use brief, low-stakes exercises to build their mental flexibility. For example, set a timer for a family game and add a ‘random change’ card that moves the goalposts. Coach the response: pause, breathe in for four counts and out for six, and say, ‘Time for Plan B’. Another drill is to bake together and accept small imperfections as part of learning, naming it as, ‘We did our best. We will adjust next time’. Repetition turns flexibility into a felt skill. 

Teach a ‘Plan B’ Routine 

Offer a three-step micro-routine for disappointments: 

1. Name it: ‘Plan A is gone’. 

2. Choose Plan B: ‘We will leave five minutes early tomorrow’. 

3. Reset the body: Take two slow breaths, lower the shoulders, and say, ‘Bismillah’. 

Keep it short enough for a child to recall under stress. Model it yourself in daily life so the message feels lived, not just preached. 

Validate Emotions, Then Guide Actions 

Do not argue a child out of their feelings. First, mirror them: ‘You really hoped for that. It hurts when it changes’. Then, move to agency: ‘Let us do the bit we can control’. When needed, co-regulate with a gentle touch or a ten-second hug. Children learn that accepting limits is not the same as giving up; it is choosing wise action over being stuck in anger. 

Spiritual Insight 

Qur’anic Guidance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 11: 

‘And no calamity befalls (upon mankind) except with the permission of Allah (Almighty); and those who believe in Allah (Almighty), He guides his heart (towards the truth); and Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient of everything.‘ 

Share this in child-friendly words: ‘Allah Almighty is in charge of what happens. When we trust Him, He guides our heart about what to do next’. Link it to the two-circle tool: we work inside our circle, and we trust Allah Almighty with the rest. 

Prophetic Example 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A strong believer is better and is more lovable to Allah than a weak believer, and there is good in everyone, (but) cherish that which gives you benefit… and if anything (in the form of trouble) comes to you, do not say: If I had not done that, it would not have happened so and so, but say: Allah did that what He had ordained to do…’ 

Use this to coach a closing line after setbacks: ‘We tried our best. Allah Almighty decided this moment. We will learn and try again’. This anchors their effort in faith, shuts down the unhelpful ‘if only’ loop, and frees your child to take the next right step with dignity. 

When a child feels seen, knows what is theirs to do, and trusts Allah Almighty with what is not, anxiety loosens its grip. Over time, your child learns that peace does not come from controlling every outcome. It comes from doing their best, accepting Allah Almighty’s decree, and moving forward with a steady, hopeful heart.