Parenting Perspective 

“Seen tests”—the act of posting or messaging to meticulously track who views or replies first—are fundamentally not about the information itself. They are a display of the child’s need for reassurance, status, and control over attention. When a child bases their self-worth on response speed, their anxiety escalates, and their friendships become transactional and unstable. 

Your primary goal is to de-power the metric, meet the underlying need for connection, and provide the child with healthier, more direct ways to ask for help or attention. This approach involves four key strategies: surfacing the genuine need, shrinking the digital scoreboard, supplying healthy alternatives, and stabilising connection through routine. 

Name the Function, Not the Fault 

Begin by acknowledging the behaviour without introducing shame. 

• Avoid Shaming: Instead of criticism, try a statement such as, “It looks like you were checking who cares about you. That can feel really stressful and addictive.” 

• Encourage Discussion: Naming the function of the behaviour makes it discussable. Ask, “When do you feel the urge to check most—is it after a hard class, when you feel bored, or when friends post something?” Identifying these triggers helps reveal the true, underlying need. 

Shrink the Scoreboard 

Systematically help your child loosen the grip of social metrics and immediate responses. 

• Control Digital Metrics: Turn off read receipts and “last-seen” indicators where possible, and mute reaction counters for a trial week.¹ 

• Set Response Norms: Agree on a reasonable ‘response window’ norm with close friends or family (for example, replies within two hours unless the message is genuinely urgent). 

• Establish Message Boundaries: Adopt a ‘one-message then pause’ rule to discourage frantic message bursts. 

Explain that these steps make attention less instantaneous and more human: “Slow replies can simply mean a person is busy, not that they are unloving or uncaring.” 

Create Direct, Honest Help Channels 

Replace the vague “fishing” for attention with clear, honest signals. 

• Use Clear Signals: Implement a private SOS word (‘RED’), designate a three-person support circle they can text directly, or allow a “call me” ticket they can use once per day for a guaranteed connection. 

• Practise Truthful Messages: Rehearse messages that state the truth directly: “I feel low and need a five-minute phone call,” or “I had a big day. Can we go for a walk after Maghrib prayer?” Directness beats testing. 

Design Predictable Connection 

Schedule guaranteed micro-connections into the daily routine so that the child does not have to harvest concern online. 

• Schedule Check-ins: Establish a nightly check-in, a weekly walk, or a shared family signal (e.g., ‘two taps on the shoulder = I need your presence’). 

• Keep Promises: When genuine care is predictable and delivered consistently, the need for testing loses its power. Keep these promises small, yet sacred. 

Coach Digital Adab and Boundaries 

Teach that we do not measure the loyalty of friends by how fast they jump to respond. 

• Adopt a House Rule: Enforce the rule, “We answer thoughtfully, not instantly.” 

• Model Private Care: Model appropriate digital adab (manners) by discouraging public screenshots or call-outs. Always move expressions of care from public replies to private conversation. 

Use Data, Not Accusation 

For one week, log together how often they check views, along with how they genuinely feel immediately afterwards. 

• Review the Correlation: Review the log together: “On the days you checked the metrics less often, your mood was steadier.” 

• Grant Autonomy: Allow them to choose one change to trial based on the data. Autonomy builds buy-in. 

Reinforce Real Courage 

Consciously praise the behaviours you want to see increase. 

• Praise the shift: “You used the ‘RED’ word honestly,” “You waited patiently for the response window,” or “You asked me directly for time.” 

• Recalibrate Focus: Link approval to truthfulness and patience, not to performance or metrics. Over time, their heart will recalibrate from chasing notice to building trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

From the Noble Quran 

“Seen tests” are a small, modern manifestation of a spiritual distraction that is thousands of years old. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Takaathur (102), Verses 1–2: 

‘Are you diverted by the obsession of infinite (worldly wealth)? Until such time as you observe the place of your demise (on this Earth).’ 

This ayah serves as a strong warning that rivalry over numbers, status, or superficial notice (takathur) distracts us from what truly endures. Guide your child to ask themselves, “What am I really seeking right now—people’s gaze or Allah’s pleasure?” Help them replace digital scorekeeping with sincere effort: fewer tests, more truthful messages, and more quiet deeds. Remind them that a calm heart is built by purpose, prayer, and real friendship, not by chasing instant replies. When we slow down and choose truth over digital theatre, we honour the Qur’anic call to focus on what endures. 

From the Hadith Shareef 

The power of an action is rooted in its hidden, inner purpose. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“Actions are but by intentions, and every person will have only what they intended.’ 

This foundational Hadith instantly shifts the conversation from response speed to inner purpose (niyyah). Teach your child to set a clean niyyah before they post or message: “I intend truthful connection, not testing people’s loyalty.” If the intention is clearly attention-hunting, they should pause and use the private SOS route or a guaranteed family check-in instead. You might affirm, “When we intend sincerity, Allah Almighty brings us the right people at the right time.” Help them experience the relief of letting go of the need to test. With consistent practice, the urge to test fades, replaced by steady relationships and a heart that seeks the One who sees us first and best.