Parenting Perspective 

Stay Calm and Offer a Safe Space 

Helping your child to calm down after they have lost control is crucial for their emotional regulation and self-awareness. The first step is to stay calm yourself, as your child will often mirror your reactions. If your child is overwhelmed with anger or frustration, you can gently guide them to a quiet space to cool down. It is important to acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, ‘I can see you are really upset. Let us take a moment to calm down.’ Offering a calm and supportive environment helps your child to feel safe and understood during moments of emotional turmoil. 

Teach Simple Calming Techniques 

Next, you can teach your child simple techniques to regain control of their emotions. Deep breathing is a powerful tool, and you can guide your child by saying, ‘Let us take three deep breaths together. Inhale through your nose, hold for a moment, and then exhale through your mouth.’ This helps your child to focus on their breath and to calm their racing thoughts. 

If your child is old enough, you can introduce the idea of counting to ten or using positive self-talk, such as, ‘I can calm down,’ or ‘This feeling will pass.’ Encouraging your child to pause and reflect before reacting will give them the space to regain control of their emotions and to avoid further escalation. When they successfully calm down, praise them, reinforcing that emotional control is a skill they can learn and improve. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, patience and self-control are highly valued. Allah Almighty encourages us to respond to challenges with patience and to manage our emotions thoughtfully. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.’ 

This verse teaches that patience in the face of anger or frustration is a sign of strength and moral determination. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also provided guidance on how to manage anger and regain control. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who can control themselves in moments of anger.’ 

This Hadith emphasises that true strength lies in emotional self-regulation, especially in moments of frustration. By teaching your child how to calm down after losing control, you are helping them to develop the resilience and emotional maturity that align with Islamic values.