Parenting Perspective 

When rules are imposed without consultation, children can feel powerless, which often leads to resistance. By inviting them into the process, you build a foundation of cooperation and mutual respect, which is far more effective than top-down authority. 

Validate Their Desire for a Say 

The first step is to acknowledge their perspective. Children, like adults, want to feel that their opinions matter. You can validate their feelings by saying, ‘I can see that you want to have a say in our family rules, and that makes sense’. This simple act of recognition makes them feel heard and respected, opening the door to collaboration. 

Introduce Shared Rulemaking 

Frame the process as a joint activity where everyone’s goal is a happy, functioning family. Use a collaborative script like, ‘Let us work together to decide on some rules that feel fair to everyone’. Guide the conversation with simple questions that encourage critical thinking, such as, ‘What rules do you think help our family work well together?’ This approach teaches them to think about fairness and consequences while you maintain ultimate parental authority. 

Emphasise Boundaries Within Limits 

Inviting your child’s voice does not mean giving up your role as a parent. The key is to offer choices within boundaries within limits. You set the non-negotiable rules (e.g., safety, core values), but allow them to have a say in the details. For example, ‘Homework must be finished before dinner, but you can choose whether you do it right after school or after a short break’. This balances their need for autonomy with the family’s need for structure. 

Reflect and Adjust Together 

Once you have established shared rules, make it a practice to review outcomes collaboratively. Check in periodically and ask, ‘How are these new rules working for everyone? Is there anything we need to adjust?’ This continuous feedback loop teaches problem-solving and accountability, ensuring that discipline remains consistent and constructive. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam highly values the principles of consultation (Shura), justice, and fairness. Involving children thoughtfully in setting family rules is a practical application of these profound Islamic values, nurturing their moral development and sense of responsibility. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 38: 

‘And those people that respond to (the commandments of) their Sustainer, and establish prayer, and conduct their affairs between each other through consultation, and spend (generously) from the sustenance We have provided them.’ 

This verse praises those whose affairs are managed through mutual consultation. By applying this principle in your home, you are modelling a key characteristic of a healthy community and teaching your children the importance of shared responsibility. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not have mercy on our young, and does not respect our elders.’ 

Inviting a child to share their voice in setting rules is a profound act of mercy and respect. It shows them that their perspective is valued. This approach fosters cooperation and trust, strengthening family bonds and nurturing a child’s ability to make ethical, responsible decisions.