Parenting Perspective 

Consistency is Key 

Maintaining fairness in discipline between siblings can be challenging, especially when each child has their own personality and way of responding to situations. The key to balanced discipline is consistency, clear communication, and understanding the individual needs of each child. First, it is important to set clear and consistent rules that apply to all siblings. Ensure that the expectations are the same, and that the consequences for breaking the rules are fair and consistent. This helps children to understand that the rules are not arbitrary but are designed to keep everyone safe and respected. 

Treat Each Child as an Individual 

It is also essential to treat each child as an individual. While the rules should remain consistent, the way you approach discipline may need to vary depending on the child’s age, temperament, and emotional needs. For example, an older child may respond better to a calm discussion about their behaviour, while a younger child might need more immediate, clear consequences. Tailoring your approach to each child’s needs ensures that discipline feels fair, even though it may look different for each sibling. 

Address the Behaviour, Not the Child 

When disciplining, be sure to address the behaviour rather than labelling the child. For instance, saying, ‘It is not okay to hit your brother,’ rather than, ‘You are being mean,’ helps the child to understand which behaviour is unacceptable without feeling as though they are being personally criticised. Praise positive behaviour across all your children, and highlight when they demonstrate cooperation or kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, justice and fairness are fundamental principles. Allah Almighty commands us to treat others with fairness and respect in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked) to judge between people, that you should judge with justice….’ 

This verse teaches the importance of fairness in all dealings, including within the family. By treating each child with fairness and respect in the discipline process, you are guiding them to live according to the principles of justice outlined in the Quran. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised fairness and equality, particularly within the family. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 3587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their families.’ 

This Hadith reinforces the value of treating all members of the family with kindness, justice, and respect, creating an environment where discipline is balanced, fair, and nurturing.