Parenting Perspective 

When a child damages or loses something, linking pocket money or time to repairs should nurture understanding rather than guilt. The purpose is not to make them ‘pay’ for a mistake, but to teach fairness, ownership, and self-reflection. It is vital to manage your emotions, as your tone provides the bridge between blame and learning. Instead of saying, ‘You will have to pay for this’, try a collaborative approach: ‘Let’s think together about how we can make this right’. This models calm accountability rather than reactive punishment. 

Connecting Consequences to Growth, Not Guilt 

For younger children, time-based repair is often more effective. You can let them help clean, fix, or tidy the affected area. For older children, a pocket money contribution introduces the value of money and consequence. Encourage them to contribute a fair, symbolic amount that is just enough to reflect responsibility without creating shame. Sit together and offer a choice: ‘Would you prefer to give a bit from your pocket money or use some time to help fix it?’ This gives them agency and teaches that restitution can be both practical and moral. 

End every discussion with reassurance by saying, ‘You are not in trouble; you are learning how to make things right’. This shifts the focus from punishment to growth. Over time, your child learns that true responsibility lies not in avoiding mistakes but in repairing them with integrity and empathy. 

Creating a Family Framework for Fairness 

To prevent frustration, introduce a household ‘Make It Right Plan’ that outlines how your family handles borrowed or damaged items. A clear process can transform guilt into growth. It can be as simple as the following points: 

• Admit honestly if something is broken or lost. 

• Apologise and discuss calmly what can be done. 

• Contribute through time or a small part of pocket money. 

• Move forward once the repair is complete. 

Praise every attempt your child makes to apologise or make amends, even if it is imperfect. The goal is moral training, not financial balance. By treating fairness as a collaboration rather than a form of control, you cultivate empathy, honesty, and accountability as family norms. When the issue is resolved, always offer closure: ‘You handled that well; thank you for making it right’. This helps your child see responsibility not as a burden but as a badge of maturity that prepares them for worldly and spiritual success. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam beautifully integrates justice (adl) with compassion (rahmah). When something is borrowed, broken, or owed, fairness is not optional but is a part of faith. Linking pocket money or time to repairs reflects the Islamic principle of fulfilling commitments and restoring balance. 

Justice, Fairness, and the Trust of Accountability 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 34: 

‘…And fulfil all your promises, as indeed, you will be questioned about all the promises that you have made (in this life).’ 

This verse teaches that every trust, whether material or moral, will be accounted for before Allah Almighty. When you teach your child to make amends with sincerity and care, you are nurturing their amanah (sense of trustworthiness) and protecting their heart from negligence. 

Timely Repayment as an Act of Justice 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2400, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Delay in repaying debts by a wealthy person is injustice.’ 

This hadith lays the foundation for fairness in all dealings. It reminds us that neglecting responsibility, even when one is able to fulfil it, is an act of injustice. Applying this to a child’s world means teaching them that small acts of repair, such as returning, fixing, or replacing items, are moral duties and not optional gestures. 

When you guide your child to respond quickly and sincerely to what was damaged or lost, you are raising someone who values both honesty and effort. Over time, they learn that every act of fairness reflects integrity before people and accountability before Allah Almighty.