Parenting Perspective 

When one child’s natural gift, whether in music, sport, or academics, consistently draws attention, it is vital to balance the atmosphere. This is achieved not by trying to equalise results, but by recognising and praising the invisible effort each child puts forth. 

Focus on Process, Not Just Outcome 

Shift your praise vocabulary from being outcome-based to process-based. Replace phrases like, ‘You are amazing at that,’ with, ‘I saw you practise even when it was hard.’ For the other child, use language that celebrates their specific progress: ‘You kept improving your timing,’ or ‘You did not give up after that tough start.’ This kind of effort-based praise rewards growth, not just genetics, and teaches that everyone can succeed through persistence. 

Explain openly that people have different starting points. You could say, ‘Allah Almighty gives each of us unique gifts, but effort is something everyone can choose to develop.’ This reframing prevents the less naturally talented sibling from feeling like they are in a permanent second place. 

Keep Praise Private and Proportional 

Public praise can sometimes unintentionally deepen a sibling’s insecurity. While you should celebrate the talented child’s achievements with sincerity, consider saving the more detailed recognition for private moments. In family settings, it is often better to highlight teamwork or shared joy: ‘You both helped to make this day special.’ Private, individual praise feels more authentic and less competitive. 

If you notice the other sibling looking resentful, acknowledge their feelings gently and later on. ‘It was hard seeing your brother get that medal today, was it not? You can tell me that; it does not make you unkind.’ Allowing space for honest emotion teaches that jealousy is a feeling that can be managed, not one that should be shamed. 

Cultivate a Culture of Shared Success 

Create family rituals where one child’s success becomes a celebration for everyone. After any achievement, ask, ‘How can we thank Allah Almighty together for this blessing?’ Encourage the talented child to mention their sibling’s help or encouragement in public. A simple phrase like, ‘My sister helped me to practise that part,’ can turn a sense of competition into one of companionship and mutual pride. 

At home, you can also establish cooperative goals where both siblings’ strengths are needed to contribute. For instance, one can design a project while the other writes the text, or one can cook while the other sets the table. The shared sense of achievement reshapes how attention is earned and valued. 

Recognise Invisible Strengths 

Make a conscious effort to highlight the less visible virtues of the sibling who feels overshadowed, such as their kindness, patience, humour, or resilience. Use real-life examples to make your praise specific and meaningful: ‘You helped with that task when no one was watching,’ or ‘Your smile really changed the mood in the room.’ You could keep a small family board or a notebook for recording these ‘effort moments’ each week. This gives equal visibility to character strengths that often go unnoticed but carry the greatest moral weight. 

Your tone and focus set the emotional climate for the family. Speak respectfully about both children’s qualities in balanced proportions and avoid comparing them, even with positive intentions. Instead of saying, ‘You will get there one day like your brother,’ try, ‘You are growing your own strength, and I love watching that happen.’ Children measure fairness through the precision of your words far more than the quantity of your praise. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true worth lies not in innate talent but in the sincerity of one’s effort and intention. This perspective can provide immense comfort and purpose to a child who feels overshadowed. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39-41: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken; and indeed, whatever he has undertaken, you shall very soon observe it. Then he shall be recompensed for it with complete justice.’ 

Share this verse with both of your children. Explain that Allah Almighty measures our effort, not our natural talent, and that everyone’s striving is precious and seen by Him. From this perspective, the sibling who finds a task harder may earn even more reward for their persistence. This understanding can transform feelings of comparison into a sense of purpose, teaching that effort itself is sacred when done with sincerity. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 1970, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved deeds to Allah are those that are done regularly, even if they are small.’ 

Connect this hadith to their daily lives by explaining that consistency is more valued than sudden brilliance. Encourage both children to pick one skill or habit to build through steady, regular effort, whether it is reading the Quran, helping at home, or practising an art. Praise them for their persistence, not for achieving perfection. 

By focusing on process over results, celebrating invisible strengths, and anchoring their sense of value in divine fairness, you help both children to understand that their worth is not measured by applause, but by the effort that is seen by Allah Almighty. Over time, your home can become a place where each child feels noticed, not for what they can do easily, but for what they choose to keep doing with a sincere heart.