Parenting Perspective 

Hearing the Ache Behind Comparison 

When your child sighs and says, ‘I wish I was them’, it is often not a simple statement of envy but a quiet expression of sadness. They may be longing for what another child seems to possess, whether it is confidence, popularity, or attention. The parental instinct might be to respond sharply with phrases like, ‘Do not compare yourself to others’, or ‘Be grateful for what you have’. While well-intentioned, these replies can feel dismissive and leave the child feeling alone with their hurt. Instead, begin by gently acknowledging the emotion behind their words. Sit with them and say, ‘It sounds like you are feeling left out or not good enough right now’. This empathy disarms shame and opens the heart to a healing conversation. 

Turning Comparison into Curiosity 

Once you have validated their feelings, you can help your child explore what their comparison truly means. Ask softly, ‘What is it about them that you admire?’ This question shifts the focus from envy to learning. If your child says, ‘They are so confident’, you might reply, ‘Confidence is a wonderful quality. Let us think of ways you can grow yours, too’. When comparison becomes a moment for reflection, jealousy can be transformed into motivation for growth. This helps your child understand that admiration for others does not have to diminish their own worth; it can inspire them. 

The Healing Power of a Gentle Response 

In that tender moment, offer a short, healing line that reaffirms their value. You could say: 

• ‘You have already been written beautifully by Allah Almighty.’ 

• ‘You do not need to be them; you just need to be you, and that is more than enough.’ 

• ‘Allah made you different so the world could see another kind of good.’ 

Maintain a calm and steady tone. Avoid lecturing about gratitude at this point, as children are more receptive to comfort than correction when they feel vulnerable. When they feel seen and accepted, they begin to trust that their worth is not negotiable. 

Building Self-Value Over Time 

Beyond that single conversation, create a home environment where individuality is celebrated. Compliment effort, kindness, and creativity more than appearance or achievement. Share family stories that highlight how everyone contributes in their own unique way. Encourage small acts of self-belief, such as trying a new skill, helping a sibling, or setting a tiny, achievable goal. When children experience success rooted in who they are, comparison slowly loses its power. By consistently connecting their self-esteem to purpose and goodness, you help them grow confident in the person Allah Almighty designed them to be. 

Spiritual Insight 

Finding Contentment in Your Divine Path 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 97: 

‘Whoever undertakes virtuous actions – whether a male or female – and is of Muslim faith; We (Allah Almighty) shall surely sustain him with a life of purity; and We shall certainly reward them with recompense which befits the best of their actions.‘ 

This verse teaches that true fulfilment comes not from being someone else, but from living righteously with faith. The ‘good life’ promised here is one of inner peace, not worldly perfection. Remind your child that Allah Almighty does not compare them to others; He measures sincerity, effort, and the goodness of the heart. When they feel lesser, guide them to look within and recognise that their value already exists by divine design. Gratitude in Islam is not about ignoring longing, but about redirecting it toward an appreciation of Allah Almighty’s wisdom in our differences. 

The Prophetic Guidance Against Envy 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 235, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another, and do not inflate prices for one another, and do not hate one another, and do not turn away from one another, but be servants of Allah as brothers.’ 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reminded believers that envy corrodes both peace and unity. Teach your child that everyone’s blessings come with their own unseen tests, and the distribution of Allah Almighty is always just. If they admire a gift someone else has, encourage them to make du’a for that person and then ask Allah for their own unique growth. This practice replaces comparison with connection and resentment with inspiration. 

When parents answer ‘I wish I was them’ with empathy instead of scolding, children learn that their feelings are safe, their worth is intact, and their path is their own. Over time, they begin to see that the beauty of life lies not in being someone else, but in discovering who Allah Almighty truly made them to be.