Parenting Perspective 

Explain Cause and Effect Simply 

Staying patient when your child struggles to see consequences requires understanding, empathy, and a calm approach. Children, especially those with neurodiverse traits such as ADHD or autism, may find it difficult to connect their actions with the results, as they often struggle with impulse control and delayed gratification. You can start by explaining the cause-and-effect relationship in simple terms. For example, ‘When you shout at your sister, it hurts her feelings, and that is why we need to speak kindly to others.’ Repetition and consistency are key in helping your child to understand that their actions have consequences. 

Use Visual Aids and Repetition 

It is important to be patient and not to expect immediate understanding or change. Children need time to process the link between their actions and the outcomes, and they may require frequent reminders. You can use visual aids, charts, or cues to reinforce this concept. For example, a behaviour chart that tracks good actions and their positive outcomes, or mistakes and their consequences, can help your child to see the connection more clearly. 

Highlight Positive Outcomes 

Instead of focusing solely on consequences, it is also helpful to highlight the positive outcomes of good behaviour. For example, ‘When you finish your homework, you get more time to play with your toys or to watch your favourite show.’ This helps your child to learn that positive behaviour can lead to rewarding experiences. When your child struggles, remain calm and avoid frustration. Show empathy by acknowledging their difficulty in grasping the concept. For example, ‘I know it is hard to understand why this happens sometimes but let us keep trying to learn together.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, patience is an important virtue, especially when we are guiding others, including our children, to make better decisions. Allah Almighty says in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 153: 

‘O those of you who are believers, seek assistance (from Allah Almighty) through resilience and prayer, indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those that are resilient.’ 

This verse teaches us that patience is essential when we are facing challenges and that it is through patience and perseverance that we grow. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasised the importance of patience. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who can control themselves in moments of anger.’ 

This Hadith highlights that true strength lies in controlling our reactions and maintaining our patience, even in difficult situations. By staying patient with your child and helping them to understand consequences over time, you are teaching them a valuable lesson in patience, self-control, and personal growth.