Parenting Perspective 

Curiosity is healthy; secretiveness emerges when curiosity encounters shame, fear, or the belief that answers will not be handled kindly. Your primary goal must be to keep curiosity transparent. This requires building safe pathways for questions, naming boundaries clearly, and providing your child with dignified language for the moments when they feel the urge to hide. Begin by stating the core value: “Asking is welcome in our home. Secretive behaviour is not.” This distinguishes the person you love from the behaviour you aim to reshape.

Make ‘Ask-First’ Easier Than ‘Hide’ 

Children resort to secrecy when asking feels risky or slow. You must reduce this friction. 

• Create predictable ‘ask windows’ each day, such as a five-minute check-in after school and a short chat before bedtime. 

• Keep a small ‘ask card’ box where they can write down questions privately if speaking aloud feels too difficult. 

Promise your child you will answer with respect, even if the answer is negative, and then consistently keep that promise. When questions receive calm, timely responses, secrecy becomes unnecessary. 

Give Scripts That Protect Dignity 

Offer short lines your child can use confidently with peers and with you. 

• With Peers: “I am not sure about that. I will ask my mum and get back to you.” 

• With You: “I saw something and I am not sure if it is OK. Can we talk?” 

Practice these phrases once a week so the child’s body knows them automatically. Scripts convert a vague feeling into a clear next move and significantly reduce the chance of hidden browsing, secretive whispering, or deleting activity. 

Draw Bright Lines for Private Places and Devices 

Agree on clear household rules that make secrecy more difficult and privacy safer: 

• No locked doors except for changing or bathroom use. 

• Shared spaces for internet use. 

• A family charging station at night for devices. 

• The rule that borrowed devices are used in sight, only for the agreed purpose. 

Explain the ‘why’ kindly: “Privacy protects dignity. Secrecy hides risk.” Invite your child to help design these rules so they feel respected, not policed. 

Praise Transparency, Not Perfection 

Notice and name the moments your child chooses light over hiding: “You told me straight away. That was mature.” If a secret is discovered, keep the door to truth wide open: “Thank you for telling me now. We will fix this and learn the safer way.” Follow this with a small, fair consequence that teaches rather than humiliates, and conclude with a forward-looking statement: “Next time, ask first. I will listen.” 

Spiritual Insight 

We must set the intention together: “We want Allah Almighty to love how we keep our conversations and searches clean and in the open.” Teach that Islam welcomes questions but warns against secret talk that feeds harm or transgression. That guidance must reside at the centre of the heart: 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadilah (58), Verse 9: 

‘O you who are believers, when you hold secret consultations; then do not hold private conversations in regard to actions that are sinful and vengeful and disobedient to the Messenger (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ); but hold private conversations about actions that are (pertaining to) benevolence and piety; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) as He is the One in front of Whom you will be gathered.’ 

This verse provides your family with a litmus test for curiosity. If a topic pushes your child towards hidden tabs, whispering, or deleting, it is likely pulling them away from righteousness. Redirecting those moments into open questions with you is how curiosity stays in the light and becomes a means of Taqwa (God-consciousness), rather than a doorway to regret. 

We must retain that centre and integrate the Prophetic boundary that protects hearts in small social moments: 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2184, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

When there are three people, two should not converse secretly to the exclusion of the third.’ 

Link the verse and hadith to your plan in one simple line your child can carry: “We do not hide talk that excludes or harms, and we keep our private words for goodness.” Use this principle to explain your home rules on devices, group chats, and closed doors. When your child chooses to ask you rather than hide, thank Allah Almighty with them and say, “This is how believers keep curiosity clear. We ask with respect, we learn with wisdom, and we walk in the open where Allah Almighty is pleased.” In that rhythm, curiosity becomes a path to knowledge and sincerity, and secrecy loses its power because safety and truth live in your family’s everyday words.