Parenting Perspective 

When a child’s actions do not meet expectations, it can be tempting to offer criticism. However, this approach often leaves a child feeling defeated rather than motivated to improve. It is far more effective to shift from criticism to constructive coaching. This change helps children develop crucial problem-solving skills, equipping them with the tools to handle future challenges independently. 

Shifting from Criticism to Coaching 

Instead of focusing only on what went wrong, guide your child through the problem-solving process. Ask open-ended questions that encourage reflection, such as, ‘What do you think could be done differently?’ or ‘How might that have made the other person feel?’. This promotes self-awareness and helps them develop a growth mindset, where mistakes are seen as opportunities to learn. By offering guidance over criticism, you help your child build the confidence and skills needed to approach challenges thoughtfully and independently. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings emphasise kindness and compassion, particularly when addressing mistakes. Harsh criticism contradicts the principles of mercy and understanding that should define all relationships, especially between a parent and child. The goal is always to guide and teach, not to belittle or condemn. 

Allah’s Wisdom in Challenging Moments 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verses 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse reminds us that every person is equipped to overcome their challenges. Our role as parents is to help guide our children through difficulties, not to make them feel incapable or overwhelmed. By approaching them with patience and understanding, we reflect Allah’s own example of mercy and support. 

The Example of the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’ 

This hadith, while specifically mentioning wives, establishes a broader principle of treating all family members with kindness and excellence. By coaching our children with empathy and respect, we model these Prophetic values of mercy and compassion. This helps them become strong, resilient individuals capable of solving problems with grace and integrity.