Parenting Perspective 

Shift Your Goal from Winning to Calming 

Public meltdowns can be stressful because they make you feel watched, judged, and torn between soothing your child and stopping the scene. Your primary goal is not to win a battle of wills in public. It is to move the situation to a place where your child can regulate, your boundaries can hold, and the behaviour is not reinforced by an audience. Think in two distinct phases: first, make a quick and quiet exit, and second, teach the necessary skills later. The exit protects everyone’s dignity, while the later teaching builds competence. 

Execute a Minimal, Clear, and Steady Exit 

Move close to your child, lower your voice, soften your facial expression, and give one quiet instruction that signals the plan: ‘We are going to a quiet spot now.’ Then, begin walking. Do not debate, bargain, or offer lengthy explanations in the middle of the aisle. If your child drops to the floor or resists, hold the line with calm repetition: ‘We are heading to the quiet spot. I can help you walk, or I can carry you.’ Turn your body away from the crowd and towards the exit to reduce the feeling of being on a stage. Minimal language removes energy from the spectacle, and your steady movement shows that the decision is final. 

Hold Boundaries Without Bribing the Meltdown 

Use clear ‘if-then’ boundaries that do not serve as a reward for the outburst. For example: ‘If you can walk with me, we will finish our shopping. If not, we will pause outside until your body is calm.’ Never offer treats or toys in the middle of a meltdown to buy silence. This only teaches that high-volume emotions get results. Once you are outside or in a low-stimulus corner, help your child co-regulate. Slow your own breathing, offer a sip of water, and use simple anchors like, ‘Place your hands on your tummy, take a slow breath in, and a slow breath out.’ When your child has settled, you can re-enter with dignity: ‘You did the hard part and found your calm. We will finish quickly now.’ 

Practise the Exit and Praise Recovery 

Rehearse your exit strategy at home when everyone is calm. Agree on a cue word for leaving and a small ‘reset drill’, such as taking three deep breaths and giving a hand squeeze. Offer two simple exit choices: ‘You can walk beside me, or you can hold my hand.’ After a real incident, be sure to praise the recovery, not the performance: ‘I noticed you found your calm and followed me outside. That shows real strength.’ Later that day, you can debrief the event lightly and practise the routine again for a couple of minutes. Over time, you can also prevent meltdowns by shortening outings when your child is tired, giving warnings before transitions, and keeping a ‘reset plan’ card in your bag. 

Spiritual Insight 

Your child’s dignity is as important as your parental authority. Islam calls us to demonstrate patience, excellence (ihsan), and gentle leadership, especially when emotions are high. You are not required to resolve everything in the middle of a shop. Instead, you are invited to act with calm composure when you feel eyes upon you, as your child needs your steadiness far more than lectures. Exiting the scene is not an act of surrender. It is choosing wisdom over pride, privacy over performance, and long-term character development over short-term public approval. 

Respond to Difficulty with Peace 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse guides your focus away from the surrounding crowd and back towards your own character. It teaches us to walk with humility and to meet a heated situation with peace. In the context of a public meltdown, this means prioritising your child’s welfare over public opinion and choosing to calmly exit rather than engaging in a loud, stressful exchange. 

Change Your Posture to Change the Outcome 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4782, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down.’ 

This Hadith offers a practical, physical tactic for de-escalation. Changing your posture can lower emotional intensity and slow down impulsive reactions. For a parent, this means using soft eyes, kneeling to reduce any sense of threat, slowing your breathing, and leading a dignified relocation. You are teaching emotional stewardship through your own calm body language, demonstrating that mercy, discipline, and warmth can exist together.