Parenting Perspective 

Name the Feeling, Not the Fault 

When one child acts out after you praise a sibling, it is often a signal that they fear being unseen or unappreciated. Before correcting the behaviour, acknowledge the underlying feeling with calm authority: ‘It looks like you felt left out when I praised your sister. I will notice you properly, but throwing the cushion is not how we ask for attention.’ This approach keeps the child’s dignity intact, reduces the potential for rivalry, and clearly separates their worth from the behaviour you are addressing. 

Praise the Process, Not the Person 

Shift your praise away from highlighting one child and towards celebrating a shared family value. Instead of saying, ‘Aisha is the best reader,’ try, ‘I noticed Aisha kept trying even when the word was tricky. That is perseverance, and perseverance is our family standard.’ You can then add a connecting statement: ‘Anyone who keeps trying today will earn the same specific praise.’ This turns praise into an accessible pathway for every child, rather than a trophy that only one can hold. 

Provide a Clear Path to Reconnect 

Children often act out because they cannot see a clear route back to your warmth and attention. You must provide that route explicitly. Say, ‘If you want my attention, you can use our signal or ask for a turn. I will notice you within two minutes.’ Offer a simple repair ritual, like ‘tap my arm and take one breath before speaking,’ or a small ‘re-entry task’ that they can complete to earn their own descriptive praise. This teaches them how to seek connection constructively, without resorting to sabotage. 

Make Fairness Visible and Predictable 

Use rules and routines that are fair, even if they are not always identical. This includes ensuring equal opportunities over time, having clear turn-taking systems, and rotating special ‘helper’ roles. It is important to narrate fairness aloud so your children can hear it: ‘Your brother had two pages of the story yesterday, so you will have two pages today.’ Avoid praising one child repeatedly in the other’s presence. If praise must be public, immediately open a door for the sibling: ‘I am also watching for anyone who shows the same patience right now.’ 

Repair Privately and Rehearse Proactively 

Address the disruptive behaviour calmly and briefly in the moment. Later, when things have settled, repair the connection in private: ‘When I praised your sister, it stung. Next time, try our tap-and-breathe signal, and I promise to come to you as soon as I am finished.’ Rehearse this new skill when everyone is calm. Keep your praise specific, brief, and evenly distributed throughout the week. Over time, your children will learn that love is not a competition and that your attention can be requested, not stolen. 

Spiritual Insight 

A parent’s praise should be designed to uplift without breeding comparison. Islam calls us to justice (adl) in our dealings and to mercy (rahmah) in our tone. Justice means your children can trust you to be even-handed and fair. Mercy means you speak to their hearts, not just to their behaviours. When one child struggles with a sibling’s success, you can acknowledge their feelings while still holding a firm line on proper conduct. Fairness is the climate of the home; warmth is the weather. 

Stand Firm for Justice 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 135: 

‘O you who are believers, remain upright in upholding justice, bearing witness (to such actions) for the sake of Allah (Almighty); even if it goes against your own interest, or that of your parents, or your close relatives; whether one is rich or poor, then the (guidance given by) Allah (Almighty) takes precedence over both of them; so do not follow your whims, in case you deviate (from the equitable pathway)…’ 

Be Just to Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just to your children.’ 

In parenting, justice is not cold arithmetic; it is a living promise that each child will be seen, heard, and guided with balance. Practically, this looks like rotating privileges, measuring praise by effort rather than outcome, and refusing to use comparison as a tool. Spiritually, it requires checking your own heart for any partiality and making dua for equal tenderness towards all your children. When you keep your praise descriptive, offer a dignified path back to connection, and model fairness, you create a home where the success of one child becomes an inspiration for all.