Parenting Perspective 

When siblings believe consequences are unfair, it can lead to feelings of resentment and division, as they may think one child is favoured over another. This perception often arises when the consequences seem inconsistent, or one child is disciplined for something another is not. The key to resolving this is to clearly explain that the consequences are linked directly to actions, not to any form of favouritism. 

Clear Communication and Transparency 

Begin by speaking with your children about how behaviour leads to consequences. Explain that the goal is not to punish but to help each child learn from their choices. To avoid misunderstandings, be transparent and consistent, ensuring every consequence is clearly linked to a specific action. For example, if only one child breaks a rule, explain the outcome directly. You might say, ‘Your sibling is facing this consequence because of a choice they made. The same rule applies to everyone, and the outcome is always tied to the action, not the person.’ This approach reinforces the logical connection between choices and outcomes, showing that fairness is about accountability. 

Modelling Fairness and Consistency 

It is crucial to model the fairness you wish to teach. Hold all children to the same standard of behaviour and be consistent in your approach so no one feels singled out. When one child faces a consequence for a negative choice, be sure to also acknowledge and praise the positive behaviour of their siblings. By demonstrating unwavering consistency, you show your children that outcomes are a direct result of their actions, not your preferences. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on justice and fairness. It teaches the fundamental principle that Allah Almighty is perfectly just in His decisions, treating every individual according to their actions, not their status or background. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verses 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’ 

This verse underscores the divine command for justice when making decisions. As parents, we have a responsibility to be fair in our actions, ensuring our children understand that consequences are a result of their choices. By reflecting the divine principle of judging based on deeds, we teach them that true fairness comes from accountability. 

Redirecting the Heart Towards Fairness 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6952, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is oppressed.’ 

This hadith calls for active engagement in upholding fairness. As parents, when we help our children connect consequences directly to actions, we teach them that justice is a result of the choices we make. When siblings witness this principle applied consistently, they learn that there is no bias involved, only accountability and responsibility for one’s own behaviour.