Parenting Perspective 

Repair conversations are most effective when they address the underlying emotions behind misbehaviour, not just the action itself. Children often misbehave to communicate unmet needs, and focusing only on the broken rule can erode trust. For a child to acknowledge a mistake, they need to feel heard, valued, and safe from harsh judgment. 

Start with Validation 

Open the conversation by acknowledging feelings first. Saying, ‘I can see you were frustrated when that happened’, demonstrates empathy and helps your child lower their guard, making them more receptive to the conversation. A simple opener like, ‘It seems you were upset, and I want to understand’, can make a significant difference. 

Briefly Address Behaviour and Impact 

After validating their feelings, calmly explain how the action affected others. For example, ‘When the toy was thrown, it could have hurt someone. Let us think of a safer way to handle big feelings next time’. This approach teaches responsibility without creating shame and avoids the need for a long scolding. 

Close with a Positive Connection 

End the conversation by highlighting your shared commitment to improving things. You could say, ‘We are learning together, and I trust that you can make a better choice next time’. A small gesture, like a hand on the shoulder or a shared activity, reinforces your positive connection and shows that love and trust remain intact despite the mistake. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam emphasises the importance of restoring trust and relationships through patience, fairness, and compassion, especially when offering corrective guidance. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 159: 

‘ So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This powerful verse reminds parents that gentle, merciful correction is what preserves loving bonds. Harshness, on the other hand, only pushes people away and erodes trust. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1930, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever relieves a believer’s distress of the distressful aspects of this world, Allah will rescue him from a difficulty of the difficulties of the Hereafter…’ 

A child’s emotional distress after a mistake is a form of difficulty. By relieving that distress through an empathetic repair conversation, parents are performing a deeply valued act. This approach reinforces security, nurtures trust, and teaches children that mistakes are opportunities for growth, not threats to the parent-child relationship.