Parenting Perspective 

When a peer group mocks or punishes a child for being kind to outsiders, the challenge shifts from one of popularity to one of courage. Start by naming the dynamic: exclusion is being used as a tool to control behaviour. Tell your child directly, ‘Your kindness is not the problem. Their reaction is.’ This statement helps to separate their identity from the group’s pressure and reduces any sense of shame. The next step is to move from fear towards a plan that keeps your child principled, safe, and steady. 

Validate Feelings, Keep the Compass 

Acknowledge the sense of loss your child feels when their kindness costs them social status. Say, ‘It is hard to risk friendships, but your integrity matters more than approval.’ Normalise the grief, but then point to purpose: kindness is who we are, not merely a performance. This framing prevents your child from shrinking their personality or becoming cynical. 

Giving Them Scripts That Lower Heat 

Help your child use short, calm phrases that affirm their values without preaching or being argumentative: 

• ‘I am fine talking to everyone. That is just how I am.’ 

• ‘I do not do cold shoulders. Let us keep it civil.’ 

• ‘You can sit where you want. I shall sit here today.’ 

Role-play the correct tone and posture: a soft voice, a neutral facial expression, and a quiet exit if they are mocked. Rehearsal effectively turns anxiety into muscle memory. 

Using Boundaries When Meanness Escalates 

If the teasing or exclusion becomes coordinated, equip them with clear boundary statements: ‘I am not joining put-downs. I shall work with people who are respectful.’ Pair this with practical action: change seats, choose new partners, or spend break time elsewhere. If these patterns persist, document the dates and verbatim phrases, then inform a trusted teacher. Ask for structures that reward inclusion, such as rotating groups, mixed-ability teams, and public praise for pro-social behaviour. 

Building a Wider Friendship Safety Net 

Help your child invest their time in two or three kind peers outside of the pressurising group. Encourage involvement in clubs, service projects, and study circles where warmth is the expected norm. One steady friendship can absorb the social shocks of a hostile group. At home, praise their character more than the outcome: ‘You stayed kind without becoming a doormat. That is strength.’ This anchors their identity in values, not in the group’s fleeting mood. 

Reframing Kindness as Leadership 

Teach your child to view kindness as active leadership, not naive softness. They can choose to redirect gossip, share credit with others, and invite quiet classmates into activities. Coach micro-moves: greet first, include one person at a time, and offer help publicly but modestly. When kindness is practised with clear boundaries and skill, it becomes resilient rather than fragile. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam profoundly honours those who stand for fairness, even when doing so costs them comfort. Groups that punish kindness are training hearts to prefer social status over sincerity. Teach your child that Allah Almighty sees their intention, values their gentleness, and commands believers to cooperate in what is good, not in what harms. Quiet courage demonstrated for the sake of Allah Almighty turns ordinary school moments into acts of worship. 

The Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verses 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

This verse draws a clear line. If a group uses exclusion, mockery, or silent treatment to police who is worthy of kindness, your child is not obliged to join. They must continue to cooperate in what is right, while firmly refusing to cooperate in what is harmful. Remind them that doing good is not measured by applause; it is measured by sincerity and usefulness to others. 

The Words of the Holy Prophet ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2444, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.’ 

The companions then asked how to help an oppressor. He replied, ‘By preventing him from oppressing others.’ 

This guidance provides your child with a prophetic script: help those being sidelined (the oppressed) and help the group by refusing to join their harm (the oppressor). Intervening with calm boundaries is helpful. Choosing inclusive partners is helpful. Speaking well of absent classmates is helpful. Each act protects dignity and cools the fire of group cruelty. 

Close by assuring your child that honour is not decided at a lunch table. Honour rests with Allah Almighty, who raises those who choose ihsan (excellence) even when it is costly. Encourage them to make this du‘a (supplication): ‘O Allah, make me gentle and firm. Let me love for others what I love for myself and make my kindness a means of Your pleasure.’ In time, principled kindness will attract real friends and leave behind those who lack sincerity.