Parenting Perspective 

Hearing your child say they do not feel listened to can be unsettling, yet it offers a profound opportunity for connection. Often, children interpret well-intentioned parental guidance as a dismissal of their feelings. The key is to bridge this gap between your intention and their perception. 

Acknowledge Their Experience First 

Before you offer any solutions or explanations, you must first validate their experience. You might say, ‘I hear you saying that you feel like I do not listen, and I really want to understand more about that.’ This signals that their feelings are legitimate and that your first priority is empathy, not self-defence. 

Introduce Structured Listening Moments 

Children need to see evidence of being heard, not just receive verbal reassurance. You can introduce simple, practical strategies to show them you are committed to listening: 

• Family Check-ins: Set aside a short, consistent time each week where your child can share their thoughts without interruption. 

• Reflective Listening: Practise repeating back what your child has expressed to confirm you have understood them correctly. 

• Shared Decisions: Where appropriate, allow them to make small choices about things like weekend activities. This gives them a tangible sense of their own influence. 

Model Attentive Presence 

Your child can tell if you are truly listening through your body language and focus. When they are speaking to you, make a conscious effort to put your devices aside, maintain eye contact, and offer small gestures like nodding. This signals that listening to them is an active and deliberate choice. 

Frame Disagreements as Collaboration 

When disagreements arise, try to frame the discussion around mutual problem-solving rather than one-way instruction. An invitation like, ‘Let us think together about how we can make this work for both of us,’ shifts the dynamic from a hierarchy to a partnership. This demonstrates that their thoughts can influence real outcomes. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on attentive listening and mutual respect. Our children are a trust (Amanah) from Allah, and nurturing that trust requires a patience and presence that extends far beyond just giving instructions. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 17: 

‘“O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across; indeed, these (matters require) fortified determination”.’ 

While this verse emphasises the importance of giving guidance, it begins with the gentle address, “O my son,” and includes the instruction to “be patient.” This illustrates that attentive patience is integral to nurturing understanding. We are called not only to teach, but also to listen with care. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2612, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.’ 

Being “best to your family” includes the prophetic quality of being a safe and attentive listener. This is not just a parenting technique; it is a spiritual duty and an act of mercy. By embedding these principles into your daily life, you can cultivate a home where your child feels genuinely heard, respected, and empowered to share their inner world without fear or hesitation.