Parenting Perspective 

When attention feels dazzling at first but then turns into criticism, a child can begin to doubt their own judgment. Love-bombing often involves excessive praise, favours, or gifts that are given very quickly. Once the novelty fades, the same person may use sarcasm, threats of exclusion, or guilt to maintain control. Help your child’s name this pattern: ‘too much, too fast, followed by pressure or put-downs’. Identifying it reduces confusion and restores their sense of agency. 

Spot the Pattern, Not Isolated Moments 

Teach your child to look for three red flags: speed, strings, and switches. Speed refers to the rush to establish closeness. Strings are the hidden conditions, often phrased as, ‘If you really cared, you would…’. Switches are sudden turns from flattery to blame. Encourage your child to keep a simple log for a week: what was offered, what was asked for in return, and how they felt afterwards. Patterns are often easier to see on paper than in memory. 

Slow the Pace and Test for Respect 

Offer three small tests your child can use to gauge a person’s intentions: 

• Time test: ‘Let me think about it and get back to you tomorrow.’ 

• Boundary test: ‘I like that idea, but I am not comfortable sharing passwords.’ 

• No test: ‘No, thank you.’ 

Respectful friends will pass these tests without sulking, gossiping, or punishing. Those who engage in love-bombing will often fail them quickly. 

Give Your Child Protective Scripts 

Role-play short lines with a calm tone and steady eye contact: 

• ‘Thanks for the invitation. I will decide after talking to my parents.’ 

• ‘I enjoy your company, but I do not keep secrets.’ 

• ‘I appreciate encouragement, not comparisons. If that continues, I will step away.’ 

Keep the focus on actions, not on labelling the person. Your child does not need to diagnose someone; they only need to protect their own dignity. 

Respond Wisely to Shaming 

Coach your child in the ‘name-and-exit’ response: name the behaviour once, then exit the situation. For example: ‘That is a put-down. I am stepping out of this conversation now.’ They should not debate or plead. Where this harmful behaviour repeats, help your child reduce their exposure by sitting elsewhere, changing groups, muting chats, and informing a trusted adult. Afterwards, talk through their feelings and restore their self-worth by focusing on realities: their kindness, their consistent effort, and the people who treat them with genuine respect. 

Build an Inner Anchor 

Create weekly habits that stabilise your child’s identity beyond peer approval, such as family debrief walks, keeping gratitude lists, or performing one act of quiet goodness for someone else. Remind your child that real love steadies, it does not spin. People who truly care will slow down when asked, accept a ‘no’, and apologise if they cross a line. That is the company they deserve. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam draws a clear line between sincere care and manipulative kindness. A believer’s goodness is not bait for control; it is an act performed for the sake of Allah Almighty. Where praise is followed by injury, faith teaches us to keep our tongue gentle, our boundaries firm, and our dignity intact. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 263: 

‘Using kind words, and being forgiving (of people’s mistakes) is infinitely better than the charity that is followed by hurting (the dignity of the poor people); and Allah (Almighty) is Eternally Independent and Most Gracious.’ 

This verse captures the heart of the matter. Kindness that is followed by harm loses its moral value. Teach your child that true gifts do not demand emotional payment. If compliments come with strings attached, they have the right to choose calm refusal and distance. They do not need to argue to remain dignified; they only need to stop participating in the cycle of ‘gift then guilt’. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue and hands. And a Muhajir is the one who gives up all what Allah has forbidden.’ 

Shaming is harm inflicted by the tongue. This Hadith sets a clear standard for friendship and leadership: safety from another’s words and actions. Encourage your child to prefer people whose words are safe, even in disagreement. If someone’s approval depends on control, your child can step back with peace, seek better company, and remember that honour comes from Allah Almighty, not from those who turn affection into leverage. 

Help your child hold this quiet confidence: sincere love feels steady, boundaries are Halal, and walking away from harm is not rude; it is wisdom. When they anchor their worth in how Allah Almighty sees them, no amount of love-bombing or shaming can rewrite who they are.