Parenting Perspective 

Formal events with fancy clothes and constant photos can make a child feel insecure and overwhelmed. When they feel small in a big, dressed-up room, your role is to ground them in their own unshakeable worth. By providing emotional regulation, reframing the situation, and focusing on character over appearance, you can help them navigate these occasions with quiet confidence. 

Acknowledge Feelings and Regulate the Body 

The first step is to notice and name what is happening. You might say, ‘It looks like you are feeling a bit small in this big place. I am right here with you’. Use a warm, slow voice. Before you can offer perspective, you must help their body feel calm. Find a quiet corner and guide them through a few slow breaths. A sip of water or a simple grounding exercise, like pressing their feet into the floor, can help regulate their nervous system and make them receptive to your reassurance. 

Frame Clothing as a Costume, Not a Measure of Worth 

Gently explain that formal attire is like a costume for a specific occasion; it does not determine a person’s value. Offer your child a simple phrase to repeat internally, such as, ‘Clothes are for an event, but my character is forever’. Before an event, agree on an outfit that is both comfortable and tidy. A well-fitting choice, clean shoes, and brushed hair are often enough to build confidence without inviting comparison. 

Assign a Purposeful Role 

Self-consciousness often dissolves when a child is given a sense of purpose. Assign them a specific and helpful job that matches their age, such as greeting guests at the door, helping with coats, or assisting the photographer. Practise a simple line at home like, ‘Hello, may I show you to your seat?’ Having a role gives a child a reason to interact and builds a posture of confidence that changes how they feel in the room. 

Teach Healthy Comparison Habits 

Comparison is a habit that can be managed with intentional mental practices. When you see your child staring or looking envious, teach them to swap their thoughts and actions: 

• Swap a stare for a smile: If they catch themselves staring, they can soften their eyes and offer a brief, gentle smile. 

• Swap a negative thought for a truth: Encourage them to think, ‘I am enough just as I am, and I can add kindness to this room’. 

• Swap standing still for taking a step: If a crowd is gathering for photos, they can take a few steps back and find someone to help. 

These small swaps interrupt the cycle of comparison and restore a sense of control. 

Focus on Competence, Not Appearance 

When you praise your child, focus on their actions and skills rather than their looks. Say, ‘You held the door open for four people in a row, that was very thoughtful’, instead of commenting on their outfit. At home, create a rule: for every comment on appearance, add one about character. For example, ‘That is a smart jacket, and you are showing such steady, polite manners’. Over time, this links their confidence to their behaviour, not to what they are wearing. 

Navigate Photo Moments with Care 

Photo sessions can feel like intense moments of judgment. Beforehand, agree on simple, non-verbal signals. A hand squeeze could mean they need a pause, while a nod could mean they are ready to step away after two more pictures. If your child does not want to be in a photo, offer an adjacent role, such as holding a prop or even taking a turn behind the camera. It is not rude to decline a photo if it is done politely. 

Decompress and Reconnect After the Event 

On the way home, keep the conversation light. Later, perhaps before bed, invite reflection by asking, ‘When did you feel most like yourself today?’ or ‘Who did you get a chance to help?’ This reinforces that their value lies in their actions and character. End the day with a simple family ritual that anchors their worth in connection and love, such as sharing a story or listing things you are grateful for together. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a person’s true value is measured not by their external appearance or social standing, but by their inner piety and character. This spiritual perspective provides a powerful anchor for a child who feels insignificant in a world that often prioritises superficial qualities. 

True Nobility is in Righteousness 

Remind your child that in the sight of Allah Almighty, honour is determined by one’s consciousness of Him (taqwa), not by the brand of their clothes. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

Explain that while nice clothes can be a blessing, their beauty is empty without good character. When they feel small, they can remember that Allah elevates those who choose humility, kindness, and fairness. This is a standard that every child can strive for, no matter what they are wearing. 

Allah Looks at Hearts and Deeds 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reinforce that our focus should be on our inner state and our actions, as these are what truly matter. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, Allah does not look at your faces and your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

Make this a family principle: hearts and deeds are what count. Before an event, invite your child to choose one good deed they can perform, such as greeting an elder first or thanking the serving staff. Reassure them that fancy clothes and photos are temporary, but a kind heart and good deeds have lasting weight. When a child learns to stand on this foundation, they will no longer feel small but will feel rooted, seen, and guided by Allah Almighty.