Parenting Perspective 

Seeing the Need Beneath the Behaviour 

• When a child resorts to mischief to gain control, the true message is often insecurity, not simple defiance. Mischief becomes a primary tool for power when a child feels fundamentally powerless. Their objective is to provoke a significant reaction, not necessarily to ruin peace, because that reaction makes them feel important and visible. The solution, therefore, is not to impose harsher control but to exercise wiser leadership: providing small, safe doses of power that effectively satisfy their deep-seated need for influence without compromising your authority. 

A child who “rules by mischief” is essentially saying, ‘Notice me, involve me, let me lead somewhere.’ Respond by identifying this underlying need, rather than focusing solely on the nuisance. You might state, ‘It looks like you want to decide something right now. Let us find a good, safe place for that.’ Acknowledging the motive restores the child’s dignity without rewarding their chaos. 

Giving Real Choices Within Firm Boundaries 

Offer your child two acceptable options instead of providing endless instructions: ‘Do you want to put on your shower first or your pyjamas first?’ or ‘Would you prefer to do your homework at the kitchen table or by the window?’ Offering choices within defined limits makes children feel trusted and capable. You remain the firm leader, but they experience the agency they are craving. 

Channel Power Into Responsibility 

Turn control-seeking into active leadership. Give the child meaningful jobs that impact the family—making them the timer captain, the snack server, or the book organiser. Then, praise them with precision: ‘You handled the timer perfectly, and everyone followed your instructions.’ That moment of purposeful, positive influence satisfies their hunger for control far more effectively than any act of mischief ever could. 

Use Calm Authority, Not Battle Energy 

When antics flare up, respond with a low tone and short, clear phrases: ‘Pause. Reset. Try again kindly.’ Crucially, avoid trying to explain or lecture mid-escalation; the brain is simply unable to process reason when it is flooded with adrenaline. A calm facial expression and a steady rhythm teach the child that genuine power lies in self-control, not in creating chaos. 

Plan Predictable “Power Windows” 

Create small, reliable, scheduled spaces for decision-making—such as letting them choose the evening meal once a week, setting up the prayer mats, or picking the family walk route. Predictability teaches them that influence is not something to be stolen through disruption, but something that is granted and earned through demonstrated trustworthiness. 

Repair Without Shame 

After any incident of mischief, involve the child immediately in the process of repair: drying a spill, neatly re-stacking books, or offering a sincere, polite apology. When you pair this required repair with a sentence that instils pride—‘You fixed that mistake entirely on your own. That shows true strength’—the child learns that restoration, not rebellion, is the path to earning respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

From the Noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you; so, then pardon them, and ask for their forgiveness (from Allah Almighty); and consult them in all matters (of public administration); then when you have decided (on any matter), then put your reliance upon Allah (Almighty); indeed, Allah (Almighty) loves those who are totally reliant on Him.’ 

This verse provides the definitive parenting blueprint: mercy, consultation (shura), and firmness balanced by absolute reliance on Allah Almighty. A child’s acute need for control softens significantly when they feel genuinely heard through guided consultation. Inviting their opinion on safe choices, while retaining the final, firm word, beautifully mirrors this verse. It teaches the vital lesson that leadership with compassion draws hearts closer, whereas harshness drives them away. 

From the Hadith Shareef 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said: 

‘Beware. Every one of you is a shepherd and every one is answerable with regard to his flock. The ruler is a shepherd over the people and he is answerable. A man is a shepherd over the members of his family and he is answerable. A woman is a shepherd over the household of her husband and his children and she is answerable. And a slave is a shepherd over the property of his master and he is answerable. So each one of you is a shepherd and each one is answerable with regard to his flock.’ 

This Hadith powerfully reminds parents that true leadership is centred not on dominance but on accountability. You are the shepherd—guiding and protecting, not chasing and controlling. When your child uses mischief to grab power, you should respond as a calm shepherd would: gently draw them back in, redirect their immense energy, and assign responsibility that fosters genuine maturity. Through steady guidance and gentle firmness, they ultimately learn that influence flows from reliability, not rebellion, and that real power is the ability to master oneself for the sake of Allah Almighty. 

Over time, the child discovers that respect, trust, and leadership are consistently earned through serving well—not through constantly testing limits—and that calm authority, rooted in mercy, is the strongest and most lasting form of control.