Parenting Perspective 

Children who fear bedtime are rarely avoiding sleep; they are avoiding separation from you and the stimulating world they trust. Their resistance often comes from a deep-seated need for connection and safety. Your primary goal should shift from simply getting them to sleep to helping them feel secure enough to rest. 

Acknowledge the Fear to Build Safety 

Start by naming the feeling with kindness: ‘It seems the night feels lonely for you.’ When you label the emotion without judgement, their nervous system begins to soften. This validation shows them they are understood, not difficult. Safety is the bridge that carries a child from the alertness of day to the surrender of night. Your calm presence and empathy are the most crucial building blocks for this bridge. 

Create a Predictable Wind-Down Routine 

Establish a gentle, repeatable sequence that begins forty-five to sixty minutes before lights out. Keep the order consistent every night so the body and mind learn the pattern: screens off, bath, pyjamas, teeth, story, dua, cuddles, and lights out. Use the same warm phrases to signal each step and keep the environment calm with soft voices and warm lighting. A predictable path to bed lowers anxiety and makes the eventual separation feel less sudden. 

Use Gradual Retreat to Teach Independence 

If your child’s anxiety is high, begin with a method of ‘presence fading’. For a few nights, sit beside their bed until they are drowsy. Then, gradually move your chair closer to the doorway, and eventually into the hall. Keep your interactions minimal and soothing. This process teaches their body that sleep is safe even when you are not right beside them. Pair this with a connection promise: ‘After you sleep, we will have a lovely breakfast together in the morning.’ Children separate more easily when they are certain of the reconnection to come. 

Empower Them with Small Responsibilities 

Invite cooperation by giving your child micro-roles in the bedtime routine. Let them switch on the nightlight, choose the story, or decide which dua to recite. These small choices help turn a feeling of powerlessness into a sense of agency. Praise their specific brave actions: ‘You lay so quietly while I read the story. That was very brave of you.’ This focus on courage is more effective than bargaining or offering rewards. 

Calm the Body to Quiet the Mind 

Fear is a physical sensation before it is a conscious thought. Help your child soothe their body by practising slow breathing together, offering a short and gentle back rub, or trying ‘teddy breathing’, where they watch a soft toy rise and fall on their tummy. A child who can settle their body can also settle their mind. If worries arise, create a ‘worry shelf’. Write the worry on a small piece of paper, place it in a box, and say, ‘We will look at this worry tomorrow with a fresh mind.’ This teaches containment, not suppression. 

Spiritual Insight 

Night Is a Mercy, Not a Threat 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 47: 

‘And it is He (Allah Almighty) Who has designated for you the night as a cover (for respite), and sleep for your rejuvenation; and designated the day for re-energising (the Earth with automated light energy).‘ 

This verse reframes night as a tender gift. Teach your child that darkness is not abandonment; it is Allah Almighty’s mercy clothing the world in calm so that hearts and bodies can recover. Linking bedtime to gratitude, with a short ‘Alhamdulillah for our day, for our bodies, for our home’, turns the fear of separation into an act of trust. You are not leaving them alone; you are entrusting them to the care of Allah Almighty, who never sleeps. 

A Simple Sunnah That Settles the Heart 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6324, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said he would perform a specific action before sleeping. It was his practice that when he intended to go to bed, he would recite: 

‘‘Bismika Allahumma amutu wa ahya’ (In Your name, O Allah, I die and I live).’ 

This concise Sunnah is a balm for anxious nights. Reciting it together places the moment of separation inside the safety of remembrance. Encourage your child to put a hand over their heart and whisper it with you. Follow with a short dua asking Allah Almighty to guard their sleep and to reunite you in the morning. Over time, these gentle rituals weave faith into the fabric of bedtime, and the bed becomes a place of trust, not tears.