Parenting Perspective 

When a child refuses to repair the harm, they have caused, it can be deeply frustrating. This refusal is often rooted in fear, shame, or pride. A child may fear admitting a mistake because they worry about punishment, or they may be too young to fully grasp the impact of their actions. It is important to approach this situation with empathy, helping your child understand accountability in a way that feels safe and constructive. 

An effective approach is to first validate their feelings. Acknowledge that admitting fault is difficult. For instance, you could say, ‘I know it feels hard to admit when you have hurt someone, and I understand why you might want to avoid it’. This helps the child feel supported rather than judged. The next step is to guide them through the process of making amends, explaining the importance of empathy. You could add, ‘It is important to fix what we break, even when it is hard. It helps the other person feel better, and it helps us feel good about doing the right thing’. 

Encouraging Accountability 

• Model the behaviour: Show your child that you are also willing to acknowledge your mistakes and repair harm. This teaches them that what matters most is how we respond to our errors. 

• Use restorative language: Frame the conversation around making things right instead of focusing on blame. For example, say, ‘Let’s think of a way you can make things better for your friend’. 

• Take small steps: If the situation feels overwhelming, break the process of repairing harm down into smaller, more manageable tasks. This makes it feel less daunting for your child. 

By focusing on connection and understanding, you create a pathway for your child to learn how to make amends without being overwhelmed by shame or fear. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, accountability is deeply rooted in self-reflection and repentance. Allah Almighty teaches us that acknowledging our wrongs and striving to make amends is a virtuous act that leads to spiritual growth. The goal is not to punish but to guide one another back to the right path with mercy and understanding. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verses 104: 

‘Are they not aware that indeed, it is Allah (Almighty) Who has the power to accept the repentance of His servants, and is the (ultimate recipient) of their charitable donations (given in His way); and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the One Who is the Greatest Exonerator and the Most Merciful.‘ 

This verse highlights Allah’s infinite mercy and His acceptance of those who seek to make things right. It is a reminder that repentance is not just about saying sorry but about taking action to repair any harm that was done. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 3407, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever has harmed his brother, let him seek forgiveness, for Allah will forgive him.’ 

This hadith emphasises the importance of making amends. Just as the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ guided us to repair harm and seek forgiveness, parents can use this principle to guide their children towards healing and reconciliation. By showing your child the value of repairing harm, you teach them that making amends is a sign of strength, not weakness, and an act of growth that is valued by Allah Almighty.