Parenting Perspective 

Name the Pattern, Protect the Bond 

Begin by calmly naming what you see without assigning blame: ‘When marks are shared, one of you feels proud and talks a lot, while your sibling goes quiet and looks hurt’. This approach frames it as a family problem to solve together, not a fault in one child. State your family standard clearly: ‘In our home, we celebrate effort and kindness. We do not compare ourselves or put others down’. 

Shift from Comparison to Contribution 

Coach the high-achieving child to share their successes in ways that lift the entire room. For example, they could say, ‘I worked hard on planning my essay. Next time, I will focus on practising my conclusion’. Replace talk that is centred on scores with discussions about effort, strategies, and helpful tips for others. Reinforce private praise for achievement and public praise for humility and encouragement. If the boasting continues, move conversations about marks to a one-to-one check-in with you. 

Give the Quieter Child Language and Safety 

Help the child who shuts down to name their feelings and ask for boundaries. They could learn to say, ‘I feel small when grades are compared. Can we please talk about other topics right now?’. Practise short, assertive scripts and a coping tool, such as taking a slow exhale or a brief pause before replying. Offer a predictable, weekly one-to-one slot that is not based on performance, so they feel that your love is not conditional. 

Create Family Rituals That Reduce Rivalry 

Introduce a five-minute ‘effort circle’ after assessments where each person shares one thing they are proud of and one kindness they noticed in someone else, keeping grades off the table. You could also add a monthly ‘skill swap’ where siblings teach each other something they are good at. This rebalancing helps both children to feel valuable for different reasons. 

Set Clear Limits on Put-Downs 

Be specific about the language that is not acceptable, such as no teasing, no saying ‘I am smarter than you’, and no eye-rolling. If it happens, pause the conversation, identify the breach, and reset by saying, ‘That crossed our kindness line. Please try again’. Consequences should be short and consistent, such as stepping out of the room for a minute before returning with a kinder way of phrasing their thoughts. 

Partner With the School, Not Against Each Other 

If boasting increases around events like posted class rankings, ask the teacher for alternatives, such as private feedback or comments that focus on growth instead of public positions. For the quieter child, request small supports like varied participation formats or the chance to present in pairs, so their classroom confidence can grow without direct comparison. 

Narrate Identity, Not Numbers 

Speak to the character they are building: ‘You are a steady learner who keeps trying’ or ‘You are learning how to share success without dimming the light of others’. These identity-focused messages prevent the high-achieving child from tying their worth to superiority and help the quieter child to feel seen beyond their marks. 

Spiritual Insight 

Humility Honours, Arrogance Harms 

Worldly scores rise and fall, but character endures. Teach both children that Allah Almighty values truthfulness, humility, and mercy more than rankings. Invite them to turn their achievements into gratitude and service by saying ‘Alhamdulillah’ and asking, ‘How can I use this to help others?’. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 18–19: 

‘“And do not turn your cheek from people (in pride and contempt), and do not walk on the Earth in self-glory; indeed, Allah (Almighty) does not love those (people who believe in) self-aggrandizement and boasting. And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people)…”.’ 

Explain that this verse links inner humility with outward behaviour. Celebrating without belittling others protects hearts and keeps blessings pure. Encourage a short family prayer after results are shared: ‘O Allah, make us grateful, humble, and helpful’. 

Strength is Self-Control, Not Dominance 

When one child boasts and the other withdraws, both need strength of character. One must learn to rein in their tongue, while the other must find a steady voice. Model and rehearse this strength as a form of worship. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who overpowers others. The strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

Teach the boasting child to pause before speaking and to choose words that heal. Teach the quieter child to breathe, speak briefly, and seek help rather than swallowing their pain. Remind them that Allah Almighty sees every moment of restraint and every attempt at gentle truth. With practised humility, measured speech, and sincere gratitude, siblings can turn results day from an event of rivalry into a lesson in character that pleases Allah Almighty and deepens love at home.