Parenting Perspective 

When two children have competing needs during a transition, the goal is to manage the moment with calm, visible fairness. This turns a point of conflict into a lesson in patience, order, and cooperation. 

Triage by Need, Not by Noise 

When multiple needs arise at once, name the situation without blame: ‘I see two needs at the same time. I will help both of you.’ This simple acknowledgement can calm the room. Prioritise by safety first, then biological needs like the toilet or hunger, and finally time-bound commitments like catching a bus. Clearly state your plan and its reason: ‘First, Zara will use the toilet, then I will zip Hamza’s bag. After that, we all move to the door.’ This approach teaches fair decision making rather than rewarding whoever is loudest. 

Make the Order Visible 

Conflicts often intensify when the plan is not clear. Use a simple board or a strip of cards with three sections: Now → Next → Later. Place each child’s immediate task under ‘Now’, and then swap them as they are completed. Pairing this with a two-minute visual timer helps each child see exactly when their turn will come. Use an anchoring script, such as, ‘When the sand runs out for Zara’s turn, we will flip it for Hamza.’ This visual order reduces accusations of favouritism and stops arguments about who goes first. 

Use Cooperative Language 

Frame your instructions in a way that promotes cooperation instead of competition. 

• ‘Both of you will be helped. First I will tie Ayesha’s laces, and then I will pour Musa’s milk.’ 

• ‘Both sets of feelings matter. First we will calm the tears, and then we will solve the puzzle.’ 

Keep your sentences short and direct. Avoid lengthy explanations in the middle of a meltdown. Once things are calm, you can briefly explain your reasoning so they can learn from it for next time. 

Stagger Starts and Split Roles 

If another adult is present, assign clear roles: ‘I will handle the shoes, and you can manage the snacks.’ If you are on your own, stagger the transition by thirty to sixty seconds: ‘Zain starts putting his coat on now; Amal can start when the timer rings.’ This small delay prevents everyone crowding at the door at once and allows you to give each child focused attention. Building a five-minute buffer into predictable transitions, like leaving for school, gives you the space to solve fairness issues without rushing. 

Pre-Assign Small Responsibilities 

Before a potentially stressful transition, set up tiny, rotating privileges that children value. You can announce, ‘Today’s door-helper is Maryam. The bag-checker is Ali.’ By rotating these special jobs daily and displaying the schedule, you remove the need for children to compete for a role at a critical moment. 

Regulate Before You Move 

A dysregulated child cannot transition smoothly. Before you give an instruction, offer a twenty-second moment to co-regulate. This could be a gentle touch on the shoulder, taking two slow breaths together, or reciting a brief dhikr. For example: ‘Put your hand on my shoulder. Breathe in for four, and out for six. We will move on “Bismillah”.’ Once their nervous system has settled, the same instruction will feel manageable rather than threatening. 

Spiritual Insight 

Sibling dynamics provide a constant opportunity to teach core Islamic values. Fairness, kindness, and patience are not just abstract concepts but practical skills that can be modelled and learned during the busiest moments of family life. 

Justice and Ihsan in Family Life 

Children often feel that ‘fair’ means ‘me first’. Islam teaches us to make justice visible and to practise kindness actively. In high-pressure moments, you can calmly explain your reasoning: ‘Allah Almighty loves justice. I am helping in an order that keeps everyone safe and cared for.’ 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

This verse provides a script for daily logistics. Justice means your reasons are consistent. Ihsan, or good conduct, means you add gentleness to that order with a soft tone, a steady hand, or a quick squeeze of reassurance while one child waits. 

The Prophetic Standard of Fairness 

It is recorded in Sahih al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be afraid of Allah, and be just to your children…’ 

This guidance is a lighthouse for moments when needs collide. Being ‘just’ does not require identical treatment at the exact same second. It means applying upright criteria, having transparent turns, and showing no favouritism. You can tell your children: ‘I am following the teaching of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. I will be just with each of you. Here is the order and here is the reason why.’ Over time, this steadiness builds trust, and siblings learn that waiting their turn is not a loss of love but a practice in patience.