Parenting Perspective 

Create a Safe and Open Environment 

Dealing with sneaky or secretive behaviour in children can be challenging, but it is important to approach it with understanding and patience. Children may exhibit this behaviour for various reasons, such as a fear of getting into trouble, a desire to maintain control, or even a need for privacy. The key is to create a safe, open, and supportive environment where your child feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you. 

Foster Open Communication 

Begin by fostering open communication. Make sure your child knows that they can talk to you about anything, no matter how big or small. You can reinforce that honesty is always appreciated, even when they have made a mistake. You could say, ‘I want you to feel comfortable telling me things because I am here to help, not to punish.’ This reassurance helps to remove the fear that often drives children to be secretive.¹ 

Understand the Underlying Reasons 

If you notice sneaky behaviour, address it calmly without anger or accusations. Instead of focusing on the secrecy itself, try to understand the underlying reasons for the behaviour. You can ask questions like, ‘What made you feel you had to keep that to yourself?’ or ‘Is there something you are worried about?’ This approach opens up a dialogue, allowing your child to express their concerns. 

Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries 

It is also important to set clear and consistent boundaries. While you want your child to feel comfortable with you, it is also necessary to explain that certain behaviours, like hiding things or keeping secrets from you, can lead to misunderstandings and can break trust. Help them to understand that trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, honesty and transparency are highly emphasised. Allah Almighty encourages believers to speak the truth, as it is linked to righteousness and spiritual success. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 119: 

‘O you who are Believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty) and (always) be in the company of the truthful (people).’ 

This verse highlights the importance of truthfulness and transparency in our dealings with others. Teaching your child to be open and honest aligns them with these core Islamic values. 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught the importance of truthfulness. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise.’ 

This Hadith serves as a reminder that being honest, even when it is difficult, is always the best path. By teaching your child to be truthful and open, you are not only guiding them toward better behaviour but also helping them to align with the teachings of Islam, fostering a foundation of trust, integrity, and spiritual growth.